I've realized a few things: I'm very good at saying I'm going to come back and start writing again. I'm not very good at actually, you know, writing again. As I type this, it is 5:30pm on Cinco de Mayo (May 5th for all of you who no habla espanol). I am drinking Tecate and have been for the past 4 hours. By myself. I never thought I would have trouble finding people to celebrate pseudo holidays with, but here I am. Maybe it's just me, but I don't really need an excuse to have a beer or 12. So when I actually have an excuse (May 5th!!), I just assume others will be as into it as I am. Again though, here I am drinking alone. Maybe one of two things needs to happen: 1) I need new, BETTER friends.
(The previous paragraph was written yesterday, before three friends and I went to a Mexican restaurant. But I stand by my words.)
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I had a startling revelation recently. What if Coors Light cut back a bit on their advertising budget and used that money to make good beer? Wouldn't that make the world a better place? No more dumb ass trains/Ice Cube/making things have snow on them/silver bullet commercials. And also no more garbage ass Coors Light. Win-Win for everyone. Seriously though, Coors Light is ass. I'm not one of those beer snobs either. Miller Lite is probably my favorite beer. I personally kept Natty in business during my four years in college. I'm not above drinking 40s or Steel Reserve. But hand me a Coors Light and I will mostly likely hand it back to you.
Some of you may be saying, "hey, that's my favorite beer." And to those people, I say, "You suck." And other people might be saying, "Hey why don't you make your own goddamn beer then. Don't criticize others for trying." First off, no one has ever said this. Secondly, I HAVE made my own beer. (Man, that was a long couple of paragraphs to get to the subject of me making my own beer. Probably just could have started off by saying I made my own beer.)
A beer brewing store opened just a few blocks from my apartment within the last 6 months, so I stopped in there recently. When I make the decision that I'm going to buy something, it usually happens quickly. And without any further thought. First car: bought it on the first day of looking. First apartment in Austin: signed the lease after looking at just that apartment. First apartment in Cleveland: well you get the picture.
I walked into the brewery store with the intent to brew my own beer. $160 later, I had the supplies and ingredients to brew my own beer. The whole brewing process was kind of fun. It took a few hours over a Saturday. Honestly, the hardest part was gathering enough bottles to store the beer in. I needed non-twist off beers, so I couldn't just drink two cases of Miller Lite and be good. Nope, I had to buy expensive and mostly high ABV beers. I mostly went with Great Lakes beers, because, well the brewery is two miles from my house. And the bottles are not twist off.
For a week or two there, I was drinking 3-4 beers a night just so I could eventually use the bottles to store other beer. Essentially drink beer to make beer. That is a hobby I can get behind.
The first batch didn't go off without a few hitches. Like I said, getting the necessary amounts of bottles was the hard part. A batch makes between 50-55 beers. So after I mixed the ingredients and had it fermenting in the 5 gallon bucket, I spent the next 3 weeks drinking like it was my job. (The fermenting process is only supposed to take 2 weeks, but I just didn't have enough bottles by that second week. Woe is me, I had to keep drinking.)
I was eventually able to bottle the beer and literally had the exact right amount of bottles, 51. The directions say the beer is supposed to be bottled for two weeks before it is done carbonating. Though the directions said it may take longer. As a non-scientist, I had no idea when it was done carbonating, so I called the place and asked them how I know when it is done. The answer was the best I could have hoped, "Open one and try it." And that is the day my beer was done carbonating.
It wasn't the best beer in the world, or even the best beer in my fridge. But it was just that, my beer. I put a lot of time, money, and killed off brain cells to make that beer. I even gave it a name, American Pale Dale. See my last post for references of the name.
I have about 15 Pale Dales left and I will be brewing another batch here soon. The good news is that I already have my bottles. The bad news though, is that I already have my bottles.
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Jam of the summer: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke. I dare you to listen to this song and not nod your head/tap your toes/dance around your living room hoping your neighbors aren't watching through the blinds again. Fun fact, Robin Thicke is male. Seriously, that name screams FEMALE to me. Another fun fact, Robin's dad is 80s TV legend Alan Thicke. Yes, the dad from Growing Pains. And last fact, watch the video. That's not even a fact, more of a command, but I think you'll thank me after. You will not be disappointed. Pharrell in an Amish fedora, a baby sheep/goat, Robin's blue eyes. Oh, and topless models. Definitely stay for the titties.
One last note about the video, it is a goal of mine to one day have a tailored suit. I don't wear suits very often (my mom bought me my first black suit last year. I was 25.), nor do I give a shit about clothes and/or fashion. But a tailored suit just appeals to me. I don't know if it is the thought of having some old Italian guy measuring my inseam, having enough money that I can actually purchase nice things, or just wearing some fine threads. But I'll be damned if one of my goals isn't to have a tailored suit. Hopefully it happens before my own funeral.
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Greatest invention in the world: the stop light. That's a given. What other invention has the power to command multi ton heaps of metal and plastic to start and stop? With just three colored lights? The microprocessor doesn't have shit on the stop light.
Second best invention though? Some may say the toilet, or electricity, or the Fleshlight. For me though, the answer is easy: the George Foreman. (With the toilet, electricity, and the Fleshlight all tying for third.) It feels kind of weird referring to an object by a man's name, since, you know, the guy was a former world champion boxer. In my lifetime even. But he will be forever be associated with his grill more than his boxing. And that's not a bad thing. The GF allows me to become Emril in my own kitchen. Throw some meat products on there, add some sort of noodles/salad/fruit/rice, and BAM! Instant meal. I cannot overstate the usefulness of the GF. Especially to a male who lives alone.
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The Bulls are still in the playoffs and won Game 1 tonight against the Heat. Fuck. And. Yes.
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Drinking stale Diet Pepsi and Grey Goose. Y'all come back now, y'hear?
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