Mailbag!!

In my month and a half absence, quite a few of you have sent emails asking some normal and some personal questions.  I'm going to take this time to publicly answer those.  First time ever doing this, but I apologize for nothing. 

What do you think about that Kony guy?
It's about this time that I should mention some of these questions are a bit older than others.  With that being said, I might be one of only a handful of people who never actually watched the Kony video, which basically owned the Internet for about 48 hours a few months back.  Mostly because I don't want to watch anything on the Internet that is longer than 3-4 minutes, tops.  Funny 45 second video of an elephant smacking a dumbass with it's trunk?  Definitely recommend.  Back on topic though, I have no thoughts. 

Is it true you were out at the bars until 2am on Easter Sunday?

Word travels quickly I see.  This is correct.  My parents and oldest sister Katie came out to visit over the Easter weekend.  All four of us stayed in my one bedroom apartment.  Nothing makes a family closer than being forced to be together.  Over three days, we went to eight different bars.  Friday night, we started off at a Belgian bar, the Beir Markt.  Belgian bars have lots of beers that are high in alcohol content.  My dad, who generally drinks MGD, ended up getting pretty smashed off 8 and 10% beers.  Throughout the night we also ventured to the Great Lakes Brewery and the Market Garden Brewery, which also have high alcohol content beers.  The beers we had were much higher alcohol than what any of us would normally drink.  It just happened to hit my dad harder than any of us. 

The four of us eventually returned to my apartment that night, yet Katie and I decided we would walk to a few bars near my place.  Drunk as he was, my dad also decided to join.  I have seen my dad drunk many times throughout the years.  But it's usually been at home and not at a bar.  The three of us walk the six blocks to the bar and it was evident that he needed to be carefully looked after, for fear of wandering into the street.  Mind you, this isn't a busy street or anything, but still an active street nonetheless.  We ended up having one beer there before walking back.  Pretty solid first night. 

Saturday was very touristy.  We stopped by the Westside Market, which sells a bunch of fresh shit.  Like a flea market, but for food.  We bought chocolate covered pretzels and pizza bagels.  Who says the O'Ds aren't sophisticated?  Well the next stop was at the Cleveland Museum of Art.  Luckily it was only open for another hour after got there, because I was not into looking at antique furniture and frescoes all day.  Later that night, Kate and I did the usual bar crawl through my neighborhood, this time without pops.  I don't think he had another beer all weekend after Friday night.  Poor guy.

Sunday was Easter and as an Irish Catholic family, we celebrated accordingly: with mimosas.  As the day wore on, the drinking continued.  Again, for just Katie and I as dad was tuckered out after day one.  The four of us eventually made our way to some neighborhood bars.  After a beer or two, it was at this point that I had to make a decision: either go home with my parents and be functioning for work on Monday, or continue on.  That decision came and went real quick.  Katie and I persisted on, going on a semi-bar crawl through Tremont. 

We ended up at the Flying Monkey which just happened to have Sunday karaoke going on.  We sat and sang along (at least I did) for a solid hour.  The DJ did his best to try and get us to sign up but neither of us were having it.  I love to sing, but I had only done actual karaoke one time in my life.  It was a Tom Petty song at a renovated pool hall in Oak Lawn, Illinois, back when I was in college and home on break.  Not my finest moment but definitely broke my cherry.  It was at this time during the night that the time honored tradition of Katie and I doing carbombs started to begin.

Proof

 

 

When it was Katie's turn for a round, she came back and told me she had signed me up for karaoke.  I of course assumed she was lying.  She's a pretty bad liar.  But she didn't do her usual give-away smile.  And then the DJ called out for "John doing Journey" a few times and I knew she wasn't lying.  I got up there and belted the shit out of "Don't Stop Believing."  In my mind, I was basically Steve Perry up there.  Pretty glad I didn't hear any audience member's perspectives.  If you do karaoke and don't think you nailed it, why bother doing karaoke?  Who gives a shit about other people.  Mark that down kids, that's inspirational.

So to get back to the actual question, yes we were out until 2am.  My alarm goes off at 7:18am.  Monday was a fucking awful day at work.  But totally worth it.  Jesus himself would have been proud.

What are your plans for this Saturday?

I have three options:a college friend's birthday gathering down in Akron (where I just was this past weekend), a friend's dog's birthday party, and roller derby.  Sorry Zitko, the other two are closer and asked first.  Plus we just got Zeused multiple times this past weekend. 

What did you do at work on Wednesday?

Went to a meeting at a minimum security female prison, why do you ask?  And to the honeys getting out in 2-5 years, call me!!

As someone who's half Irish, how was your St. Patrick's Day? 

Glad you asked, mystery person.  I happened to be at home in Chicago for this past St. Patty's Day.  The main reason for being home was to see my uncle in from Arizona.  The other reason was to attend my sister Keri's wedding.  I had taken that Friday and Monday off work.  I knew I was going to need time to recover.  The wedding did not disappoint.  It had a Blues Brothers theme, for the groomsmen at least.  We had the black skinny ties, the hats, and everyone had the black sunglasses which were quite the hit. 

When I go to weddings, I tend to take the open bar as a challenge, which sometimes has lead to less than positive results.  So my goal for this wedding was to remember it and not make an ass out of myself or anyone else.  Considering my track record, this would not be so easy.  But I decided I would drink only beer instead of doing my usual, double fisting two 7 and 7s.  This proved to be a great idea as I remember a lot of the night and didn't end up attempting to walk home 3 miles.  Winner all around. 

Shout out to my 16 year old cousin who asked me to get him a Jack and Coke from the bar.  Stupid cousin.  Had you asked for a beer, I would have gladly gotten you one or four.  But to go directly to Jack?  That's just being greedy.  And stupid.  Let's not forget that Jack is stupid and awful and should only be taken under extreme supervision and peer pressure. 

There were obviously a thousand pictures taken during the wedding, but I only want to share two, so bear with me. 

You can kind of see the Blues Brothers theme here.  My finger in the air is a patented dance move I do, so please do not steal it.  It is especially useful when you have drinks in your hand.  It only requires you to alternate pointing index fingers in the air and moving your shoulders.  Even I can do this dance.  My aforementioned parents in the background. 

Weddings are pretty fun.

My aforementioned sisters on either side.  Not exactly sure what is going on here, but I'll attempt to break it down.  You can see a mixed drink in my right hand and a beer in my left.  This tells me that it was towards the end of the night, as I had a self imposed embargo on mixed drinks.  You know, the whole "hoping to remember this night" thing.  So that means it was close to bar closing time.  Keri, the bride on the left, appears to be not only drinking a High Life, but also sending a Mortal Kombat fireball in Katie's direction.  Or doing the robot, which is TOTALLY feasible.  The robot is generally the go-to dance for Keri and I, when I'm not doing to the two index finger jive.  Katie, on the right, seems to have been hit by something.  Or smells something.  Which is also totally feasible.   

Pretty fucking fun.

Weddings are pretty fun.  Even more so when you remember them.  If anyone needs seat fillers at a wedding reception (I cannot stress how much I do not need to be at the ceremony), please feel free to contact me.  I promise to make great conversation with other table guests, not get terribly smashed, and to tear up the dance floor.  Seriously, call me. 

What kind of music are you listening to lately?
Excellent question as I am a huge music fan.  Obsessions as of late include: Alabama Shakes, Avicii, and Neon Trees.  Lollapalooza happens in Chicago each August and the lineups were just released earlier this week.  I would very much like to attend all three days.  The only problem? Three days passes are sold out and individual tickets are $95 per fucking day.  So either need to bite the bullet and get all three days, whittle my choices down to a day or two, or win some kind of pot of money.  I'm banking on options one and three. 

Last and final question of the night:
Were any of these questions real and from actual readers? 
No, no they weren't.  That was just my way of steering the conversation.