Growing up. Haircuts. Sanna. Moving On.

When I was younger, my mom was always one of those people that told their kids they could grow up and be anything they wanted.  Astronaut, President of the US, rock star, athlete, elephant, zebra, etc.  When I was maybe four or five years old, my family asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I stated that I wanted to be an elephant or a zebra.  Twenty years later, I can still count on this story being brought up any time the family is together.  A message to you youngsters out there: you can't be anything you want when you grow up.  Especially if you want to be an animal.  Life is bullshit sometimes.

Other than realizing that you can't actually be anything you want, growing up also ruins some other aspects of childhood:

• Getting mail- when I was younger, I used to try and get the mail every single day and would look at it all to see if anything was addressed to me.  I don't know what I was expecting, but I just wanted to open the mail.  The mail I get today is complete ass.  I check my mailbox once a week or so, usually on Wednesdays because I get Sports Illustrated.  If I didn't get SI, I might go weeks without checking it.  The only mail I get these days are offers from banks, cable companies, humane society, and shit about work benefits.  There are currently 6 unopened letters on my table.  My desire to open mail has long passed.
• Snow- snow is amazing when you are younger.  You pray for enough of it so school gets canceled.  You can throw snowballs at cars, make snow forts, play football on it, go sledding, shovel sidewalks for money, etc.  Snow as an adult means you need to get up earlier for work to clean your car off, give yourself enough time to get to work on time because people automatically forget how to drive in snow, shovel your own sidewalk or pay someone to, and work rarely gets snow days. 
• The Simpsons- this used to be the best show on TV.  I would come home from school and watch the reruns at 5pm, 6pm, and 10pm on Fox.  Their new episodes on Sundays were always must see.  You know the phrase "all good things must come to an end?"  Well Matt Groening doesn't.  The show is currently in it's 23rd season and hasn't been relevant for about ten years.  It's kind of sad to see someone or something stick around way past their prime.  I don't know one person who still watches the show. 

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I went and got my hair cut today.  I don't really give a fuck about my hair.  Is it blond and extremely soft?  Why yes it is.  But I don't style it, let alone brush/comb it.  I just let it dry and it is what it is.  If I don't shower, I wear a hat. 

So when I get my haircut and the person asks me how I want it cut, I usually just say make it shorter, take it above the ears.  That is the extent of my directions.  Normally, the cutter accepts these directions and does the damn thing.  The chick who cut my hair today acted like I was speaking Russian.  After receiving my directions, she had follow up questions for me: should she use scissors or the trimmer on the back and sides?  Listen bitch, you don't tell me how to do my job, I won't tell you how to do yours.  Just make it shorter.  My response to her was "it doesn't matter to me, whatever is quicker."  She stood there for a few seconds just staring at me until I finally looked back at her.  I just repeated "I just want it shorter and above the ears."  "How much shorter" she asked.  As if I had an exact length I want my hair to be.  I couldn't even guess as to how long my hair was.  Four inches, seven, 12?  I would have no idea.  Guys don't think about that. 

She eventually grasped the concept of making it shorter and began to work.  For the rest of the haircut, we didn't talk at all.  I never know if haircutters (do you call a girl a barber?  I refuse to say I went to a stylist) want to chat while working or if they need silence to concentrate.  For reference, the guy in the chair next to me wasn't talking to his haircutter either.  But I've been to the same place and had a guy cut my hair and we talked the whole time.  Maybe I just need to go to the same haircutter each time.  Moving around does not bode well for a barber/haircutter/me rapport. 

When I was younger, my dad and I always went to the same barber.  A real manly place.  Where guys talked sports, he had one those red, white, and blue spinning things outside his place, and there was nothing fancy about it.  Also, he gave me a pretzel rod before leaving which was fucking awesome.  That might be where my love of pretzels stems from.  My dad would always tell the guy "above the ears, tapered in the back," and the barber didn't need any additional direction.  As I got older, I began giving the same directions.  Worked like a charm.  But alas, I grew up and moved away to places that apparently need more than said directions.   

I have a friend who is 26 years old.  He tells me that he has gone to the same barber (Chuck) since he was 10 years old.  He moved out of state more than a year ago yet still goes home to Chuck to get his hair cut.  That's either extreme dedication or just stupid.  To be fair, dude has a huge dome so I imagine Chuck has some special ordered extra large scissors or some shit that gets the job done.  There really is no other excuse to drive 3+ hours home to get a haircut. 

Back to me, here's a timeline of my hair style through the years:

This is my school picture from second grade.  Please notice that my mom used to always comb my hair to the side.  To this day, this picture remains in my wallet. 

Even back in the day, I had quite the fashion sense.

Throughout high school and the first year or two of college, I had a bird's nest of hair.  My uncle once referred to it as "M80 hair."  It was long and it curled in the humidity.  My sisters took to referring to it as "gutter hair" since it curled at the ends pretty much along both sides and the front.  Apparently it looked like I had gutters. 

This was Spring Break in Windsor, Ontario.  Drinking age: 19 in Canada.

 Had to try the second grade hair style out for one night at least.

Homage to the old days.

From that whole head of hair, I went to this.  This was sophomore year in college.  I agreed that if we scored so many points in an intramural basketball game, I would shave my head.  I don't think we actually ended up scoring the right amount but I did it anyway.  This wasn't the first time I had shaved my head, as I had done so in 7th/8th grade.  Shaved it real short, size one on the clippers.  Not being used to such short hair, my dome got a hell of a sunburn one weekend.  For the next week or so, my head was peeling and many classmates made fun of me for having dandruff.  I never forgot to put on sunscreen after that first time. 

I've always had a love for mustaches.

With the short hair, of course there was a mohawk phase.  I think I had it for about a week and a half.  While in classes though, I never took my hat off.  I wanted the 'hawk, just didn't want all the attention.

That's my old roommate Piso.  His hat says Grandpa's Sidekick.

And now I'm back to normal-ish hair.  This was from September but that's about where its at today. 

Beer of choice: Imperial.  Rather tasty.  Choice of facial expression: extra douchey.

Going back to my haircut from today, the cutter did a damn good job.  I think it turned out pretty well.  Except for the fact that she talked me into letting her put some product into my hair before I left.  It ended up looking like I just hadn't showered and had greasy ass hair.  Washed that shit out real quick when I got home. 

As I've always stated, shaving the back of the neck is the best part of a hair cut.  The shaving cream is hot and they use a straight edge razor.  One fail swoop and she could slice me up.  It's dangerous and feels amazing all at the same time.  Like jerking off in a library.
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Last weekend I participated on the Santa Rampage 2011 which I was highly looking forward to.  As previously mentioned, I had done a Santa bar crawl last December back home in Chicago with my sister Katie and it was fucking awesome. 

The first stop was downtown at 6pm.  Not wanting to drive or deal with parking, I hoped on the bus and rode in costume to the first bar.  Sitting on the park bench for 3 minutes before the bus got there, I must have had seven or eight people yell shit at me from their cars.  I could already tell it was going to be a good night.

First stop was at the Stage on Sixth.  I was meeting up with some friends but I was the first one to arrive, so I watched these play a giant version on Jenga.

Game lasted maybe 6 turns.  Not so easy when the pieces are fucking logs.

We were supposed to leaved the first bar at 7:30 but my friends had shown up a bit late and we stayed longer than most people.  My guess is that there were around 100 or so people at the peak.  This picture does not do justice to how many people were there.

Pretty shitty picture

This is the only picture I've seen that includes my friends and me. Note to self: get a photographer next year.

Fancy bar that gave us beers in fancy glasses.

There were seven stops on the crawl.  I only remember making it to the third stop but have been told we made it to the fourth one.  I was home by 12:30am.  I have been told I had a great time.  If you'd like to see more pictures from the Rampage, check out these sites: http://www.flickr.com/photos/amicitas , http://www.stevehopson.com/SantaRampageIndex.htm, or http://www.flickr.com/photos/patsmedia/sets/72157628375467753/

I make an appearance or two on each site.  You can see how creative people got with their costumes though.  I went as regular ass Sanna.  Others put more thought into it, some put even less. 

I can't recommend a Santa bar crawl enough.  I imagine tonight would probably have been the last night for any, but be on the look out next year.  I would imagine most large cities will have at least one. 
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 In real life news, there are some big changes on the horizon for me.  I have accepted a new job in Cleveland, OH and will be moving in early January.  My last day at work in Austin is the 30th so things will be moving quickly for me.  The job was just too good to pass on.  Believe me, I tried to justify staying in Austin.  It was an extremely difficult decision to make, but in the end, I just couldn't not take it.  I moved to Austin last December 30th so I will have lived just a few days over a year, likely 367 or so days.  And that year has been incredible. 

Having never been to Austin, I had no idea what to expect.  My knowledge of Texas came from movies and TV shows so I was expecting dirt roads, horses, lots of guns, and country music.  What I came to learn was that Austin is something like the 15th largest city in the country.  It is a hotbed for technology, food, and especially music.  The two large music festivals have been widely documented by myself months ago.  Austin will be surely missed.  The weather, the people, the atmosphere, my job, all the people I have encountered and worked with, will forever be ingrained in my memory.  I keep describing the move as bittersweet. 

On one hand, I have a lot of friends who live in and around Cleveland, will be a hell of a lot closer to my home, and the new job is a great opportunity for me and my career.  On the other hand though, I'll be leaving everything I just mentioned.  Reality hasn't set in for me yet and likely won't until my last day of work.  My boss took a chance on me and gave me this great opportunity.  The only interviewing I did for my Austin job was over the phone and Skype.  For all they knew, I could have been some three legged freak who drinks too much.  Luckily for them, I only have two legs. 

My sister Katie and I have already made a pact to return to Austin each March for SXSW, starting in 2013 as our other sister will be getting married that weekend this upcoming March.  So have no fear Austin, you haven't seen the last of me.  
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I'm heading home on Wednesday.  The next day we will be driving 8 hours to the UP to go snowmobiling and skiing.  Super excited about this trip.  I've mentioned it before so I'll be brief: we have three full days to kill a keg of PBR, the Bears/Packers play Christmas day, as do the Bulls/Lakers.  There is going to be so much shit packed into this one vacation.

On a similar, super fucking excited that the NBA is back.  I watched the Bulls first preseason game online last night.  Shit doesn't even count but I passed up going out to watch them at home alone for the first time since May.  Bulls headed to the 'ship this year!!!!!!!

Some people have asked me what I'm going to do with the blog once I move.  (At least one person has asked me).  It will continue on.  The name will probably change, but Cleveland is a foreign land to most people so I will continue to tell tales from the road.
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 Y'all come back now. 

Home. Sweet. Home.

I just feel the need to point this out: the first sentence of my last post I stated that I had recently participated in the 98th annual Warrior Dash of Central Texas.  That statement is in no way accurate.  I'd be shocked if it was even the fifth one they ever had in Central Texas.  I just felt that it was so out there that someone would call me out on it.  Instead, it has made me realize that those few who actually read this, don't actually read this.  
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Thanksgiving is, arguably, my favorite holiday.  The only one that rivals it is St. Patrick's Day, which probably seems a bit cliche.  From my stand point, you can't have my last name, be born and raised in an Irish-Catholic neighborhood, have one of the largest St. Patrick's Day parades mere miles from your house, and not be a fan of St. Patrick's Day.  Having an excuse to drink beer and whiskey at 9am on a Sunday morning in March is just a side effect of my upbringing. 

Even better than that though, Thanksgiving is all about reconnecting with family, eating the finest American foods, and drinking the coldest of beers.  Also, watching lots of football and apparently playing Let's Dance 2 and 3 for up to four hours. 

I made the trek home from Austin the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.  I had a short flight to Houston (where I had a two hour layover and drank several early vacation beers) and was at home on the south side by 4:30 that afternoon. I don't know why, but in Chicago the day before Thanksgiving is called Black Wednesday.  Supposedly it is the largest bar night of the year.  College kids are back from school, family members are in town, and mostly everyone has the next day off.  It's a huge deal back home but has definitely not caught on in other parts of the country (read: Ohio or Texas, the two other places I've lived).  

Black Wednesday did not disappoint.  I'd write a paragraph or two about my experience, but to be honest, I don't remember much of it.  Which is why it did not disappoint.  At one point, I ran into an old friend from grade school.  We were pretty good friends back in the day and I hadn't seen him in a while so we were shooting the shit for a while.  After a bit, his girlfriend found us at the bar and asked him to go to some other part of the bar with him (or to leave with him.  Again, details are fuzzy).  He declined, explaining that we hadn't seen each other in a while and wanted to stay and talk with me.  Well, girlfriend did not like hearing this.

"You want to stay with him rather than leave with me?"
"Yes, I do."

It went back and forth like that for a solid 6-8 minutes.  Meanwhile, I'm just standing off to the side trying not to say anything to offend her.  Granted, I had never met her before but I just didn't want to make things worse.  From what I remember, I won the battle and we continued to talk for a while.  No idea what happened with him and his lady after that.  A quick Facebook search tells me they're still together so it couldn't have been that big of a deal.  I keep thinking though, "what if I was the reason an old friend and his lady broke up, just because he wanted to catch up." I don't know if I would be proud or disturbed.  Probably proud.  I doubt you read this but good luck Ryan Quinn.  Hope I didn't ruin your shit.  If I did though, it was probably for the best.

The bar we were at didn't close until 4am on Black Wednesday and we were one of the last few to leave. 
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As you can imagine, Thanksgiving day was ROUGH.  I didn't wake up until about 1pm.  We were leaving for my aunt and uncle's at 2 so I barely got up in time.  On the way, we stopped to pick up some booze: 30 pack of PBR.

I hadn't seen most of my extended family since last Thanksgiving, longer for some.  My cousin Char Char (no one actually calls him this, but we totally should) who now lives in Oregon, was in.  While catching up, I found out his work schedule is 11am-7pm and became immediately jealous.  I can't think of a better work schedule.  It allows you to wake up late, leave work pretty much after rush hour, and still go out at a decent hour on any fucking day.  Beats the shit out of my 8:30-4:30 hours.  Granted, I have a lot of day left when I get home but I usually spend an hour or two of it sleeping because I have to get up so early.  So when I wake up or decide to go out around 6-6:30, traffic is awful. Note to self: start own business and set working hours 11am-7pm. 

Thanksgiving with the family was fun though.  Spent most of the time on the couch watching football, eating copious amounts of delicious food, and plowing through that 30 pack.  One of my aunts randomly decided to bust out the Wii and the game "Lets Dance."  I was kind of pissed at first considering they turned off the final football game of the night, but watching family members of all ages playing the game definitely made up for missing the shitty football game. 

The game involves holding the Wii and attempting to follow the dance moves on the screen.  For those first timers, it took a few rounds to get used to it all.  Now I have roughly 27 younger boy cousins.  And every single one of them were hitting Beyonce's moves like it was nothing.  Something you want to tell us all, younger male cousins? 

We eventually left the party and headed home.  The drive, normally about an hour, felt like 5 minutes for me.  Probably because I was woken up when we pulled in our driveway and realized I had slept the entire way home.
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Friday was my family's pseudo-annual themed drinking night with our radical Pilgrims and Indians theme.  This was our first themed party in a few years and everyone was pretty excited.  When the time came, we had more construction paper, paper plates, scissors, tape, and staplers than your average Sunday school.  What follows are the masterpieces that each of my immediate family members created.  (Bro-in-law Pat and little Paddy were also present and each had their own respective hats, but unfortunately I did not document them.)


This is my Pammy.  When questioned about her hat, she pleaded us to "just imagine it was black."  It was a light blue.    

Part Mad Hatter, part Pocahontas

This is my pops.  He decided that the florescent lights in the kitchen were too bright and he needed a visor.  It's what Sitting Bull would have used as well. 

 

Part Native American headdress, part Blackjack dealer

 These are my sisters.  Gabraham Lincoln (taken from Gay Abraham Lincoln) and another original headdress.  We're clever. 

We play a mean game of Spoons

Last but not least is what I made.  It was the only original idea of the night.  I stapled a strip of construction paper across the back and was able to wear it on my dome. 

And yes, it was pointed out that it is similar to the turkeys on South Park

We proceeded to proudly wear our masterpieces, celebrate good times, play games and most importantly drink.  My uncle (not my real uncle) and his son ended up coming over for a bit as well.  The eight of us proceed to drink two 30s of PBR, almost a full case of MGD, and roughly three-fourths of a bottle of Paddy's Irish Whiskey.  I woke up on a tiny ass couch in the basement with one of my dad's old fire department coats over me as a blanket. 

Good time was had by all.
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As you might imagine, Saturday was fairly quiet.  I went and saw the new Muppets movie with my folks.  If you grew up a fan, you will not be disappointed.  That's my best Roger Ebert impersonation.

As the night progressed, Katie and I got antsy about staying in so we ventured the three blocks to one of the many local bars.  Two of my friends met us up there and we began drinking beers.  Keyword: beer.  As it began closing around midnight, Katie and I switched bars while my friends went home.  Again, we were only drinking beers throughout the night.  Granted, many beers, but no shots or mixed drinks.  Can you feel the foreshadowing here?  I'm trying to lay it on pretty thick.  I get back to my folks house around 3am or so, where I proceed to eat some 'za that I had geniusly made before we even went out for the night.  Next thing I remember is Katie and dad standing over me, trying to wake me up.  I was on the floor of my kitchen.  It was 5am and my dad was heading to the fire house.  "Wake him up before your mother sees him," is what he said to Katie.  Not my proudest moment.  Out of a possible eleven rooms (4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, living room, kitchen, basement, and laundry room), I slept in three or 27% of them.  Probably below my season average. 
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Sunday would normally be a funday on most instances, but after four straight days of excessive drinking, we decided to take is easy.  That is, until the Bears game started at 3pm.  Up to another local bar we went.  Throughout the game, more and more familiar faces showed up.  What started out as Katie and I, grew into three tables full of roughly 12 of us.  Some of the people were my dad's friends and their kids, which I hadn't seen in years.  We proceeded to cheer on the Bears the only way any of us knew how: drunken and obnoxiously.  In the end, the Bears lost on the worst ending to a football I've ever seen, but we had a good time.  Katie and I have a standing agreement that if one of us wins the strip card at the end of each quarter (which is at least $50) that we buy Irish Carbombs.  Well neither of us won but we still did carbombs.  Which, shockingly, were only my second or third of the weekend.  Looking back, it could be a lot more than that but I can't be positive.  
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Sadly, the fun ended on Monday.  I love returning to the south side.  I get to bond with my nephew (who drools all over anything and everything, AT THE SAME TIME), reminisce with friends, have a great time with family, and of course annoy my mom.  It wasn't much of a sad departure though, as I will be home again on the 21st for a skiing vacation.  Hopefully I'll be able to knock out two more rooms on my household sleeping tour.
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As I just mentioned, I'm going home again on the 21st.  The next day we will be driving 8 hours north into the UP to go snowmobiling and skiing.  We're also bringing a keg of PBR.  I swear my family is not consisted of hipsters, it's just one of the few beers that we can all agree on.  Dad likes MGD, a few of us like Miller Lite, but all of us enjoy PBR so it just works.  The scraggly beards and flannels will be side effects.  
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 Basketball update: the season has finally come to an end.  Some have called it a great season, others have called it an extremely successful season.  Neither of those guys played on my team.  We officially went 0-7 and lost by a combined total of 122 points throughout the season.  On average, we lost by more than 17 points.  Seriously.  And this is just a rec league.  Imagine the ass beatings we'd have taken if this was a serious league.  To be fair, I missed two games throughout the year, both due to work parties.  The games I missed, we lost by 34 and 16 points.  So in the games I participated, we only lost by 14 points per game.  By my calculations, I was worth 3 points per game.  Beat that LeBron. 

Hanging up the sneaks until next season.  Not sure when that'll be but hopefully I can be more of an impact than 3 points per game.  Let's be honest though.
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It is semi-well known that I live in Austin.  It is not well known that one of my good friends lives in South Dakota.  It is even less well known that said friend has 3 brothers.  And it is even less, LESS well known that the five of us have all drank together on many occasions thanks to the awesomeness of Skype and Skype-like technology.  Now my friend in SD is Chris.  He has two older brohans and one younger.  Now, I have the phone numbers of his youngest brochacho and his next oldest broseph, so I can get in touch with them whenever I want.  I mean, I never want to but could if needed to.  It's his oldest brother Mike who is the mysterious one.  I don't blame him though.  He's got a wife, two young kids, and three dumbass brothers to look after.   When I'm Mike's age, I hope I still have the stamina to drink with a bunch of younger motherfuckers online.  Is that too much to ask? 
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On my way to and from work, I pass through a roundabout.  If you don't know what a roundabout is, go watch any movie set in England.  You will inevitably see one.  On my way to work, I go three-fourths of the way around.  On my way home, I go the remaining one-fourth.  Together, it equals one full turn, but does it really?  I have thought about that every single day since I moved to my new place in October.  The to and from commute is obviously a busy time so I always just carry on with my 3/4 and 1/4 turns.

Every so often, I go out for happy hour after work.  Let's just say that after one of these recent happy hours, I did the unthinkable.  I did the full rotation on the swing set.  I did the dizzy bat game without falling down.  I did the gallon of milk chug without puking.  I DID A FULL FUCKING ROTATION AROUND THE ROUNDABOUT.  And it was everything I dreamed it would be.  There is a giant tree in the middle and some workers were adding Christmas lights to it.  I imagine that after watching me complete my circle, they thought I was either A) a jackass, or B) a drunk jackass.  Let's just call it a small notch off my bucket list and move on.
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If you listen to a decent radio station, you are aware that the Black Keys new CD "El Camino" came out today.  Go and buy this fucker.  I bought it for $7 on Amazon.  Worth every quarter.
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Y'all come back now.

Mud. Sweat. Beer

Today I participated in the 98th annual Warrior Dash in Cedar Creek, Texas.  This is my story:
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September 19th: The Groupon of the day was a deal where you paid $30 for a normally $75 entrance fee.  That was the moment I knew I was going to run the Warrior Dash.  To be fair, I never would have done it for full price.  I don't enjoy running or pain that much. 

I attempted to find some fellow runners through work but no one took the bait.  So I was on my own.  I hadn't ran once while I was in Austin.  My guess was that it had been a good year since the last time I had actually ran.  I had thirty days to change that.

There is a manmade "lake" across the street from my work and they have trails that encircle it.  I decided this would make a good training ground.  You can do a loop around the entire thing, or there are a few shortcuts along the way that you can take which makes the laps quite shorter.  My first time out, I did two of the short laps and called it a day.  It was clear that I had a lot of work to do.  On my last run before the race, which was this past Wednesday, I made 4 laps around the complete trail.  It was quite the turnaround from my first attempt.  By my calculations, each complete loop was more than a mile so I had worked my way up to 4+ miles in under a month. 
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Yesterday: a bunch of coworkers and I went out for happy hour after work.  Generally I would get pretty drunk at these happy hour meetups but I knew I had to take care of business at the Dash the next morning.  I ended up going home before 9pm.  Not many things take precedent over beers and bars in my life.  The Dash did though.

I was running at 11:30am and the place was about 45 minutes from my apartment.  I set my alarm for 8am with the idea of leaving at 9.  Nerves and excitement woke me up at 7am. 

I got to the site right around 10 and the place was already packed.  I had an hour and a half to kill to so I made the rounds, checking things out.  I was able to check out 4 of the 12 obstacles that would be looming in front of me.  This enabled me to get a feel of what was in store for me.  What was in store for me?  Mud.  ("I didn't say mud, I said crud..."  Such a great quote from Black Sheep.  BS and Tommy Boy may not have won any awards, but damn were they funny.  Whenever someone inevitably asks for my favorite movie, I generally throw out Saving Private Ryan, Jurassic Park, and Tommy Boy.  R.I.P Tommy Callahan/ Mike Donnelly.  ) 

And back on target... _______________________________________________________________
As the 11am wave of runners went off, I quickly moved into line for my 11:30 wave, only a few spots from the front.  This was a prime spot, as there wouldn't be many people in front of me and not many people I would have to run around as I sped past them.  That was my thinking at least. 

As the DJ counted down and the huge flames shot into the air, we were off.  The first stretch took us across the farm and past horses, who were running alongside the fence as if attempting to become a Warrior.  My plan of moving to the front of the line was seemingly working.  There were only a handful of people in front of me and nobody was passing me.  I was actually doing quite well.  Then the terrain went from flat to hilly.
 
The trail I practiced on was by no means flat.  It had some sloping hills and I thought that would better prepare me for the run.  I even started running on the grass as opposed to the sidewalk so it would be even less flat.  Well that plan was fine and dandy but it did not prepare my legs for the steep hills I would face.  On more than one occasion, I had to stop running all together and carefully walk down the embankment, careful to not trip over a log or cactus in the trails.  Did I mention there were cacti in the trail?  Texas, people. 

It was about this time that we came to the first obstacle: climb/jump over waist high walls and crawl under barbed wire.  I realized I don't bend down as quickly or as far down as I used to be able to.  My shirt caught the barbed wire a few times.   

The first obstacle came after about the first mile.  After that, they were pretty close to each other. Up next was the first mud pit.  I say first because there were three total.  As I went through and came out of the pit, I had mud up to my thighs and my right hand was covered.  Surprisingly, mud is quite slippery and I had put my hand in to catch myself from falling.  They don't call me Grace for nothing. 

Next up was tires and old cars.  I gracefully glided over the edges of the tires as opposed to stepping in the middle of each one.  I then acted out every cop action movie by running over the top of a few cars, hood to bumper.  I felt like Will Smith, or Jaime Foxx, or Jean-Claude Van Dam in every action movie set in New York where they inevitably come to a gridlocked street and the bad guy is getting away.  Up and over the cars was fun. 

I think this is the point we came to the second mud pit.  This one was different from the first as there was a narrow strip of dirt all the way to the left that one could walk across without going through the mud.  You know when you were younger and your parents always told you not to jump in the puddles after it rained?  And you always wanted to jump in them?  Well I jumped into that fucking mud pit.  There were about 10 people going along the dry path and I was the only that went through the mud.  If I'm going to do the Dash, I'm doing it right. 

Other obstacles included steep, muddied hills that we climbed up with the aid of ropes, a series of narrow boards roughly 10 feet in the air that you had to balance across, and trenches that we had to crawl under.  These trenches were filled rocks and dirt and were extremely painful on the ol' knees. 

All of the aforementioned obstacles were in the middle of the track and therefore were a surprise and are sadly unphotographed.  The rest of the obstacles were closer to the end so I was able to see them from afar and get pics.

This was a giant wall that needed to be climbed up and over.  On the backside (that you can't see) there were ledges in the wood for your feet but you had to use rope to get yourself up and over.  Once over the top, you climb down like a ladder, as evidenced by the chick who's ass is in the air.  To be honest, that could be a dude.  This was taken from about 100 yards away.  

Pictures!!

 

 

 

This next one is pretty self explanatory.  Rope ladder up, rope ladder down the other side.  

Rope ladders are fun until your foot slips.

This next one was a series of ropes you used to cross over a pit of water.  There is a rope under your feet that you try to tightrope across while balancing yourself with the rope above your head.  The whole time I watched this obstacle, I didn't see one person fall into the water.  Very disappointing. This was the second to last obstacle. 

There were a lot of group costumes/same colored shirts.

Last but not least was the final mud pit.  Pit doesn't do it justice.  It was more like a mud pool.  A big fucking pool of mud.  Also of note: you couldn't run through it because there was barbed wire that you had to go under.  I guess you could have ran, but it wouldn't have been pleasant.  The most effective way to make it through was to swim.  Literally.  When I finished, I was covered in mud up to my chin.  The final mud pit was so awesome that there's not one but two pics of it. 

Kinda curious as to how many people pissed in it while crossing.  

The bulldozer would dump more dirt in every half hour or so.

It was such an amazing feeling to cross that finish line.  This was my first ever race and I had a fucking awesome time.  I wasn't shooting for any specific time and I actually don't even know how long it took me yet.  There were thousands of people and I didn't feel like looking through all the names to find me.  The results should be online sometime soon so I'll look then.  I can't recommend the Warrior Dash enough.  I'm already making plans to do it again in 2012, even though the closest it will be is 3.5 hours north.  Check it out and sign up.  If you'd like to participate in the Forth Worth area with me in April, I'm all for it.  

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The Warrior Dash wasn't just a bad ass race, it was a spectacle.  They had a stage with bands and DJs playing throughout the day, plus they had food and beer.  The following is what I ate after my race.  I felt like an actual warrior eating that thing.  I like to think that Leif Ericson, Genghis Khan, Pocahontas, etc. all ate giant turkey legs as well.  (Really think I need to update my idea of warriors.)   

That must have been some big ass turkey

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The shoes I used throughout my training and the race were ones I'd had since high school and they were torn and a little bit small.  Before I even got to the race, I decided that I would just throw the shoes out since I knew they would be muddy and they weren't in great condition.  Well there happened to be a charity that was collecting old shoes.  I assume they give them to the less fortunate, but someone was going to have to clean the shit out of those shoes.  I ended up tossing my shoes onto the pile where they were collecting them.  Along with a few hundred other people. 

Mine are the black ones

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That's my story about the Warrior Dash.  I was asked if I would continue running now that my training and race is over.  I would like to think that I will keep it up.  It's obviously a great way to stay in shape.  Not to mention that Austin has great weather so I can't really use that as an excuse.  Seriously, I've worn shorts and a t shirt every time I've ran except once, when I wore a long sleeve shirt and shorts.  I just need to buy some new shoes and stay motivated.  Easier said than done. 
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Sums it all up

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I'm going home on Wednesday for Thanksgiving.  I haven't been home since June so I'm uber excited.  As previously mentioned, we're having a family Pilgrims and Indians themed drinking night on Friday, which will include arts and crafts.  Meaning we'll draw hand turkeys or some shit.  Or Indian headdresses.  Needless to say, CAN'T WAIT. 
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Basketball update: we've had two games since last time I wrote.  Unsurprisingly we lost both.  We are currently 0-6 and have one game left on Dec. 1st.  Here's hoping we don't become the Detroit Lions of the Austin Sports League.  Also of note, I have scored in both of our last games.  Finally got myself on the board.  Because really, it's all about me.  Is there an "I" in team?  There should be.
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Oldest sister Katie and I went to a Santa Bar Crawl last December back home in Chicago.  150+ Santas walking around the city, singing Christmas carols, having a snowball fight, all while getting bombed.  If you can think of a better way to spend a Saturday in December, I'd like to hear it.  I've looked and found one in Austin this year as well.  Come December 10th, I'll be crawling in my Santa suit.  It was extremely fun last year and imagine this year in Austin will be no different.  I suggest looking into it for your city.  Try SantaCon.  
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 Y'all come back now...

Sunday Funday

"Drunk on Miller Lites and Rum n' Cokes is no way to go through life son."  But it's a hell of a way to go through a Sunday.  To be fair, that quote is made up but could have been attributed to anyone who saw me today.  Seeing that Daylight Savings Time just happened last night, I woke up at the ungodly hour of 9:30am.  Normally that would be 10:30 which would give me one and a half hours until football started.  Today I had that extra hour and I didn't know what to do with it.  I had cleaned my apartment the day before.  (Crazy Saturday!!)  Making breakfast for myself takes roughly 18 minutes from start to finish, regardless of what I make.  I contemplated going to Kohl's and trying on a suit for my sister's wedding in March like my mom asked me to do more than two months ago.  Clearly that did not happen.  Instead, I just watched the pregame shows and spent 10 hours watching football games of teams that I do not follow or root for.  Which means that I still have three more hours tomorrow night to root for Da Bears.

I also ended up on Skype with my two sisters and nephew.  My nephew Paddy is 6 months old and a chronic drooler.  I have no idea if many kids are affected with this but Paddy is.  (In a medical context, drooling is called ptyalism.  The more you know!).  He doesn't talk yet, or walk, or stand, or point, or feed himself, or bathe himself, or wipe himself, or change himself, or cook for himself, or drive himself, but I'll be goddamned if he's not entertaining.  I love that motherfucker and can't wait to see him in less than 20 days.  And yes, he supposedly looks like me so it's my job to try and talk him into looking like someone else.  These looks have clearly not worked for me so far.  I'd hate for someone else to be destined with them.
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I've started keeping track of songs that I love but others would probably consider ass.  They are my guilty pleasure songs.  They are as follows:

1) "MakeDamnSure" by Taking Back Sunday- The song resonates with me going back to college.  A few of my roommates would blast the song and call it "extreme talking."  I could not tell you one other song by TBS nor would I ever admit to knowing one.  The lack of spaces in the song title should be enough for me to hate them.  Not to mention their name is godfuckingawful but I can't help but love the song.

2) "Billionaire" by Travie McCoy- This is one of the worst songs ever written.  It also happens to be one of the catchiest.  It also happens to be one of the few songs that pretty much anyone and everyone can agree with.  Who doesn't "want to be a billionaire so fucking bad?"  If I had a billion dollars I would definitely do things differently.  I might even pay someone to wipe my nephew's drool every 20 minutes.  Might.  Anyways, I would like to be a billionaire.  So fucking bad.

3) "Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani and Akon- This song became huge over the spring of 2007.  Which was the time five roommates and I decided to drive to Panama City, Florida, for spring break.  This song played on radio stations from Ohio to Florida.  We must have heard this song in every state we went through.  To this day, on the rare occasion I hear this song, I am sent back to spring break '07.  It is both glorious and sad at the same time.  (Cannot believe I've been done with college for 2.5 years.  It seems like just yesterday we were drinking on the roof, or someone was breaking my window, or I was making up excuses to tell my then-girlfriend why I didn't need to show up for work with the ground's department.  Surprisingly, "it was raining" was a good enough excuse for her to not question why I was again staying home.  College was simpler times.)

As this list expands and I realize other guilty pleasure songs, they will be added.
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I've also began creating a list of songs that I can and should perform as karaoke songs.  These are songs that I know most of, if not all, of the lyrics to.  Songs that I could do karaoke to even a cappella.  Again, this is a growing list and will be added to once I realize the thousand other songs I know the lyrics to.

1) "Wonderwall" by Oasis- to be honest, the entire (What's the Story) Morning Glory CD could probably be added here.  It's definitely one of my top ten favorite CDs of all time.  "Don't Look Back in Anger" is probably my favorite song on this CD but "Wonderwall" is the one I am more familiar with..

2) "Take Me Home, Country Road" by "Sunshine on my Goddamn Shoulders" John Denver- This one is recognized due to repetition.  For some reason, which is probably excellent, my dad, his friends and my family have a healthy obsession with John Denver.  I think it is linked to his untimely death in a parasailing hang gliding accident involving the Japanese and the Rocky Mountains.  (Which may or may not be true).  Anyways, JD has achieved cult-like status in the O'D household and we will never forget.  No matter how hard Katie tries.   

3) "Ignition" (Remix) by R. Kelly- forget for a moment (if you can), that R. Kelly (allegedly) peed on an underage girl.  It's hard info to forget, I know.  But if you can look past that (who amongst us hasn't made the same mistake?  Please don't answer that) Robert Sylvester Keller made some excellent music.  And his remix to "Ignition" is the best of the bunch.  Both catchy and easy to follow, I recite the lyrics every time it comes on the radio (very rarely) or on my iTunes (very often). 

4) "Only God Knows Why" by Kid Rock- this song could also be featured as a guilty pleasure, but I love Kid Rock.  His "Devil Without a Cause" CD was one of the first few I bought and also continues to be one of my favorite.  Out of all the songs previously listed, this is definitely my favorite.  (Honestly just rocked out to an a cappella version while writing this.  Still got it.)  Love this song.

Again, as I discover others that can be added, I will do so.  Maybe I'll even sing them for an unsuspecting bar full of strangers.  Fingers are crossed!
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Basketball update: I participated in my second game and the team's fourth game overall.  We are 0-4 and have been outscored by 84 points.  Again, I have missed half of the games so I understand why we have gotten beat so soundly so far.  I have yet to score any points as my stat line for game four was: 0-1-4-2 with no points, 1 rebound, 4-5assists, and 2 fouls.  I only took one shot and my jumper is still very shaky.  I hadn't played competitive basketball in over 11 months and it still shows.  When we shoot around before the game, I routinely air ball EVERY SINGLE SHOT.  I know this is because my legs have atrophied after just sitting around for 10+ months.  Legs are definitely not where they need to be but they felt better than week 1.  And to be fair, I can still touch rim.  If only we played with tennis balls, then I could dunk. 
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Warrior Dash training update: I officially have less than two weeks before the big day, which is November 19th.  I've been running after work to try and get myself into shape.  Running up and down the basketball court helps as well (when I show up).  The trail I run is a few blocks from my office so I've been bringing my running shit to work and going when work is over.  The trail is marked in some locations but not all so I have no idea how much I actually run but my guess is close to a mile for each lap.  Saturday I did THREE laps so that's three miles in my book.  For those wondering, no I do not continuously run for three laps.  I cannot even continuously run for one lap.  The most I've done so far is half of the loop.  Did I mention that after running yesterday, I drank like 12 beers and ate half of a pizza?  That might have something to do with my training failures. 

My training schedule is to run Monday, Tuesday, off on Wednesday, basketball on Thursday, off Fri-Sun.  My training schedule also coincides with my drinking schedule.  I have yet to complete one week of scheduled training, mostly because I've had to miss two basketball games and never made the running up.  Getting down to crunch time though, I will attempt to run pretty much every day.  Key word is attempt. 

I will complete the Dash.. I will complete the Dash.  I will complete the Dash.. This is what I recite to myself over and over.  The Dash is my Everest.
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Y'all come back.

Training and Dressing Up

I am a huge fan of Groupon.  My latest purchase was registration for the Warrior Dash on November 19th.  The Dash is a little over a 3 mile run with 11-12 obstacles throughout, including: hundreds of tires, wooden planks, crawling through mud and under barbed wire, hay stacks, and leaping through flames.  I have never ran an organized race before.  I'm fairly certain that I've never even ran 3 miles consecutively before.  I know damn well that I've never traversed any of the obstacles.  I signed up for the Dash on 10/19, leaving me exactly one month to get my body into peak physical shape.  Or at least run 3 miles in under an hour.  So I've began running after work.  In two weeks, I've ran 3 separate times.  Progress!
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My mom told me to never waste

We had a BBQ at work last Thursday to thank our volunteers for all of their hard work last month.  The best part about this, besides the delicious food, was the keg donated from the local brewery Live Oak.  It was their Oaktoberfest so it was both tasty and seasonal.  It wasn't a full keg, but roughly half full (optimist).  A few of us hearty folks stayed into the wee hours of the morning attempting to finish off the keg.  Once we realized it just wasn't going to happen, we called it a night.  Getting to work on time the next day was no easy task.  Not one to waste beer, I came up with what might amount to the greatest idea since the homemade hot tub of sophomore year in college.  There were a bunch of empty water bottles laying around the office (once I, you know, emptied them).  I began to fill them up with the beer.  Well, 22 bottles later, that keg was dry and I had a cooler full of beer for the weekend. 
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Basketball update: I haven't actually played since week 1.  Week 2 I had to go into work due to a large apartment fire.  Week 3 I was at the aforementioned BBQ at work.  Week 4 is tomorrow night.  Let's hope I show!
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Since everyone else is talking about it, I feel like I need to give my two cents as well.  This joke of an American institution is once again making front page news.  It lasts for a limited time and then is gone again.  Some people are addicted while others are repulsed.  I am, of course, referring to the McRib (but also could have been referring to the Kardashian divorce). 

I am absolutely against the McRib.  I don't understand the appeal.  I've had it one time and it was awful.  Granted, the McDonald's was inside O'Hare airport but it was still just complete ass.  Also of note, I wouldn't recommend eating the McRib before getting on a plane for a few hours.  I probably wouldn't recommend eating the McRib if you have to do anything for the next few hours. 
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I enjoy Halloween.  What I don't enjoy is getting my costume together.  Here's a little walk down memory lane of my most recent Halloween costumes: Many apologies for those I'm about to out as friends of mine. 
2005- 18 year old in a Spiderman costume meant for a 12 year old.

Which one is me?

 2006: Party on Wayne.

But which one is me?

2007: a mixture of the previous two years.  (To be honest, this wasn't even on Halloween, but it should have been)

Which one am I??

2008 has no photographic evidence.  Which is probably for the best because it was not the most PC costume.*

2009 has no evidence either.  Pretty sure I had work that night.

2010 was the year of the wrestler.  I went as the Macho Man and my friend was Hulk Hogan.  I even brought Slim Jims to hand out. And yes, it is perfectly acceptable to read the rest of this in your Macho Man voice.  This picture was on my old phone meaning that I just took a picture of a picture, which is why it looks strange.  Real beard though.  Didn't need any mascara pencils.

Pretty easy to tell which one I am

 2011- I don't care that I show my personal friends on here.  Not sure how the coworkers would feel though so I used my 3rd grade level photoshop skills to blot out their faces.  If you can't tell, I like to reuse costumes.  Let the record show that I won 3rd place in the costume contest.  Easiest $15 Target gift card I've ever won. 

Just take a guess

 If I were a betting man, the odds for my 2012 costume are looking like: Wayne's World 3:1, wrestler at 2:1, and Spiderman at 1:3.  Get your bets in early. 
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 I'm home bound for the holidays.  I'll be back in Chicago for 5 days around Thanksgiving.  21 more days!  Some families have game nights, or a yearly football game, or old movie night, etc.  Not my family though, we have themed drinking nights.  We've previously done Russian Night and a Very Cosby Christmas.  We will be reprising the themed drinkathon with a Pilgrims and Indians inspired night this year.  Arts and crafts and beer.  A time honored family tradition. 

I'll be back in Chicago on 12/21, then the next day the fam and I head to the UP for a few days of skiing.  Last time we did this, Christmas 2009, we brought a pony keg with us.  We finished the keg the first night.  Pretty sure we'll be going full size for Xmas 2011. 

 Super excited for the upcoming two months.  Maybe I'll even write about them more frequently.  Odds are way less than my Spiderman odds though.
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 Y'all come back. 





















*Four of us went as members of the Bloods. 

Radio and Things

I tend to think of myself as a semi decent music critic.  I have Sirius Satellite radio in my car so I tend to hear songs and bands months before regular FM radio does.  This is both awesome and shitty at the same time.  It's awesome because I hear all the new music.  It's shitty because once I am tired of a song is right around the time they break into the rotation on FM stations and you get to hear them every 35 minutes all over again.

Because of my music critiquing capabilities, I feel that I am certified to change the station based on the name of the band.  I will judge a fucking book (band) by their cover (name) and not think twice.  I literally have a slip of paper in my car that I use to write down shitty bands that I turn the channel when they come on.  This list is tentatively entitled "Shitty Bands That I Usually Turn The Station When They Come On."  So it's quite serious.

This list contains both new and established bands, all of which I choose not to listen to based solely on their names.  Once on this list, I imagine it is quite difficult to be removed and be given a fair chance.  I say I "imagine" because it has never happened.  I will immediately change the radio station if the following bands start playing: Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Girls, Metric, Green Day, Waka Flocka Flame, Jimmy Eat World, Kasabian, to name a few.  (The list is in my car and my car is about 200 feet from my desk so this will have to do).

These bands may be perfectly capable of producing good, if not great music.  I personally do not believe that to be true and thus they have entered on to my shit list.  A literal shit list.  These are not just subjective bands that have been chosen, there are behind-the-scenes reasons.  For instance, the first song I ever heard from the band Girls was titled "Vomit."  The only song titles worse than "Vomit" would be a song called "Cuddle."  Or "Student Loans."  Or "Let's Go to This Chill Bar and Drink Non-Alcoholic Beers."   For the sole reason of the terrible song title, the band Girls will never be given a fair chance from me.

Jimmy Eat World and Waka Flocka Flame are the worst band names I have ever heard.  My dad has this old joke that goes "why did they name the Beatles, the Beatles?  Because they didn't want to name them Shoes."  I would listen to a band named Shoes before I listen to Jimmy Eat World or Waka Flocka Flame.  Any day.  And yes, it's a shitty joke, dad. 

Kasabian is another band that has a terrible name and I've never really given them a fair shot.  They are actually quite successful, even having two of the 150 best songs of the last 15 years according to NME.  (NME.COM's Best Tracks Of Its Lifetime)  That's a Spotify link to the playlist of all the 150 songs, if you're so inclined. It's a good thing they have qualified music critiquers coming up with these lists, because they would have been left off by me. 

I'm trying to keep the reasons for not listening to these bands relatively legitimate.  But Metric and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs basically boil down to one thing: chicks.  I don't hate chicks.  I'm a fan of Janis Joplin, Stevie Nicks from Fleetwood Mac, and even Adele.  But some bands with chicks just don't do it for me.  Both Metric and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs fall into this category.  (Full disclosure: I thought both of these bands were made up entirely of females until I just looked them up.)  It seems that the chick lead singers just don't do it for me in some bands.  I'm a big fan of Florence + the Machines though so it's not all chick-led bands.  Sexist or not, it's my thoughts.  

Last but not least, Green Day.  The epitome of punk rock in the early '90s.  Dookie was a great CD.  But then they went all political and became unlistenable.  New word.  American Idiot was an awful song and CD.  "Wake Me Up When September Ends" was played every six minutes the summer it came out.  That's the problem with FM radio.  It's the same shit over and over again.  No station has the balls to put new music on for fear that listeners will change the station and thus they miss out on the all-powerful revenue money from ads. 

One of the only alternative stations in Chicago recently was sold and changed formats to some other bullshit (talk radio).  Q101 was the station to listen to while growing up.  They used to have a Cage Match every night at 9pm which pitted the previous day's top song against a newcomer each night.  The Bloodhound Gang's "Fire Water Burn" (we don't need no water, let this motherfucker burn) was the nightly winner for an incredible number of nights, something like 20 straight.  This was the first time I had ever heard their song.  It would be years before I realized I had only heard the censored version and the actual lyrics weren't "We don't need no water, let the mother burn/ burn mother, burn."   

(There are other bands that I hate and don't listen to as well, most notably Rush.  I cannot fucking stand lead singer Geddy Lee's voice.)

Music is fun to write about because I can go from bands that I hate to radio stations I used to love in just under three paragraphs.  Hire me, Rolling Stone.  
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The move into my new place was seamless.  I had four amazing volunteers from work help me out and things went so much quicker than they should have.  Seriously, total time spent moving shit from my old place to the truck, driving to my new place, and unloading everything into my new place was like an hour and a half.  Twenty-five minutes of which was spent driving between the places.  I had amazing help. 

I've finally settled in and made the new place my own place.  I have pictures on the walls, my hair in the sink, and even my own bedroom!  No more sleeping, eating, changing, cooking all in the same room.  Unless I fall asleep in the hallway/kitchen.  So if anyone wants to come visit, you will no longer be required to spend every second in the same room with me.  Tempting right??!!

I now have more room than things to fill them with.  My dresser is in my living room as my TV stand, meaning that besides my bed, my actual bedroom is empty.  And I'm single ladies!!!
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I signed up for a men's basketball league and we started this past Thursday.  I will attempt to keep running statistics from my games: 1 game- 0 points, 0/2 FG, 0/2 FT, 3 assists, 1 rebound, 0 fouls, 1 mild heart attack.  At 24, I should not be laboring this much to run up and down the 94 foot court. But I am. 
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I bought an iPhone today.  And yes, it came with skinny jeans and a bad beard.  But to be fair, I returned the bad beard because I can already grow one.

One of the many positives to me having a smart phone is that I can add pictures on here again.  Unfortunately, I do not currently have any pictures to add.
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Family shit: my sister just started her own blog today.  Blog envy much Ker?  She is a first time mother (we think) with a 4-5 month old boy and nothing but time on her hands.  I've met the kid once or twice and he seems legit.  Feel free to amble over there and see what kind of shenanigans he's gotten himself into this week!  If you need another reason, she uses the word fuck a lot.  So there's that too. 
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Y'all come back now.

I'm Not Good at This

Shocking to none of you, I am not a good blogger.  I realize this.  Clearly a few of you realize this as well.  I get all gung ho about writing some bullshit here, claim I'm going to keep it going "once a week" and end up with 17 posts in 9 months and only 5 since the beginning of April.  I know it sucks.  I hate going to blogs/websites only to see them not updated.  I feel your pain.  Now that I got that shit out of the way, I'm about to get y'all caught up with my life over the past two months.  Ready?
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August was a long time ago and I don't really remember anything special in August.  Biggest thing to happen in August was my work Blackberry getting taken away.  It was replaced by a flip phone.  I just googled "Samsung flip phone" and it wasn't even in the first 50 pages of google images.  I then googled "old samsung verizon flip phone" and it showed up on the second page.  I went from Blackberry to this.  Needless to say, I no longer have a way to put cell phone pictures on here.  So no more feet in a cooler pool, or American flag Buds, or Mustache seesaws.  I'm not even bitter.  Let's move onto September. 
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September was setting up to be one hell of a month: my parents were visiting, the next weekend my oldest sister Katie was flying in and we had tickets to see the Austin City Limits on that Friday, and I was preparing to move at the end of the month.  Things were going to be swell.  Hectic, but swell.

Well things kind of went according to plans, until Labor Day weekend.  I had tickets to go see the Round Rock Express (Texas Rangers AAA team) at 6pm on that Sunday.  There were even supposed to be fireworks.  Fireworks!  My boss called me around 2pm asking me to come into work because apparently there was a large fire north of Austin.  What I would come to realize is that the whole fucking state of Texas was actually on fire.  I spent the next 4 hours at a shelter in Pflugerville.  (I just wanted to type out the name of that city on here because it looks so fucking ridiculous.)  I didn't get home until 1am that night.  (I was pulled over on my way home.  Once I explained that I had been working on the fires, the cop let me off with a warning).  I was at work the next day (which was Labor Day) until midnight again.  My three day weekend had turned into a one day weekend.  I eventually ended up working 13 straight days.

(In no way am I attempting to make light of the wildfires.  Me working 12 hour days is nothing compared to 1600 people losing their houses and businesses.  NO ONE DENIES THIS.)   

I saw Jim Gaffigan's stand up on Friday the 9th, which had been my sixth day in a row at work.  I ended up falling asleep for parts of the show because I was so damn tired.  Ninety-five dollars for a fucking nap.

My parents came into town the same night I saw Jim Gaffigan.  I was able to get some time off while they were here so that was pretty awesome.  Read: we drank at their hotel bar two straight nights, dad and I got drunk watching the Bears win, and we made it back to the hotel bar on their last night.  It's true what they say, Austin's Holiday Inns have the best, most generic hotel bars in the West.   

Would also like to point out that we witnessed Austin's "famous" bats on Saturday night.  If you've never heard of or seen this spectacle, then you're doing better in life than me.  Don't waste your time.  I realize bats come out at night but it was damn near impossible to see them against the dark sky and the dark water.  Bats exiting the bridge at 8:30pm: not so cool.  Bats exiting the bridge at 3pm: pretty damn cool.  Think about it Mother Nature.   

Parents eventually left Tuesday, the 13th.  Weird thing about their visit: they were here 4 full days and never once set foot in my apartment.  My shithole of an apartment isn't that much of a shithole. 

One day later, Katie flew in.  I hadn't seen my family since June and here I was seeing them for a week straight.  (Not hating on you Ker. Or Lil' Paddy. Or even you big Pat.  But I definitely know big Pat doesn't read this.  Even if he did, he definitely just stopped after I referred to him as big Pat.  ((Big Pat is my future brohan-in-law))). 

Earlier in the week, someone had donated two 3-day wristbands to ACL to work and they were being raffled off.  I had mentioned this to Katie and she said something along the lines of "Don't get my hopes up.  If you win, just bring me a diaper when you pick me up because I'll shit my pants."  Foreshadowing at it's best, when I picked up Katie at the airport, there was a baby diaper on the front seat.  I  won the 3 day passes and had the best reveal I've ever participated in.
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Bands we saw at ACL (with Spotify links to their songs.  If the links don't work, you should probably sign up for Spotify): Friday-
Cults-Cults – You Know What I Mean- pretty upbeat music and the lead singer looks like one of my co-workers.  WHICH ONE THOUGH??
Theophilus London- rapper who we'd never heard before.  He was pretty good.  Couldn't tell you any of his songs though.
James Blake- kinda slow so we left.
Smith Westerns- we had seen them at SXSW in March.  Also, they're from Chicago.  And are only 19 years old.
Big Boi- only heard one or two of his songs, one of which was "Bombs Over Bagdad."
Foster the People- yes they played "Pumped Up Kicks."  Also played "Helena Beat." 
Nas and Damian Marley- again, only a few songs and from a few hundred yards away.

Pretty Lights- best show up until this point.  I had never heard of him but he was an extremely talented DJ and he made the white people dance. 
Kanye- rocked the fucking house.  He was the only artist to put on an actual show instead of just playing music.  He had 10-15 ballet dancers on stage with him and had his set broken into three parts.  He played so many of his hits: Can't Tell Me Nothin, Dark Fantasy, Champion, Flashing Lights, Gold Digga, Good Life, Heartless, Love Lockdown, a few verses of Through the Wire and Hey Mama, Monster, Power, Robocop, Stronger, and Runaway.  I'm sure I missed a few in there, but he played all the hits.  Sadly, there were no surprise guests like Jigga and Beyonce or Nicki Minaj, or even Pusha T.  He even held back his usual ramblings so he could play more music.  Apparently the city had him on a "curfew."  Best concert of the weekend.  By far.

Saturday:
Young the Giant- Yes they played "My Body."  That's probably the only song many of you have heard from them, if you've even heard of them.  "Cough Syrup?"  Yes they played it too. 

It gets kind of hazy which bands we saw and which we didn't.  It was also about this time that it started raining.  I know, rain in Austin is fucking crazy.  That didn't stop us from frolicking in the rain and enjoying every moment of that wet dream from heaven.  And by enjoying it, we spent time crammed under one giant tent filled with hundreds of people eating and another giant tent that was apparently covering a sand pit.  Didn't make sense at the time and it doesn't make sense now. 
Iron and Wine- pretty sure we saw them, but could be wrong
Fitz and the Tantrums- Fitz and The Tantrums – MoneyGrabber  This is the only song I know by them.  It was delightful in person. 
Cut Copy- Had the third best show of the weekend and best non-headliner show.  They played for an hour and we danced for a solid hour.  My other sister Keri might refer to their music as "bee-bo boppy."  Whatever you call it, hell of a show.   
Chromeo- saw a few of their songs, but left to see
TV on the Radio- their bassist died from cancer a few months ago.  But they still rocked pretty hard.  I guess I could have lead off with something other than the cancer thing. 
Headlining Saturday were My Morning Jacket and Stevie Wonder.  Neither of us were much of a fan of either so we listened to both.  We caught the first 45 minutes or so of MMJ then walked to the middle of the field and heard a few songs from Stevie.  We left early to catch the shuttle home.

Sunday- First things first, we went to a sports bar and watched the Bears game.  We actually ended up being the first people at the bar that day so the bartender turned the sound from the Bears game up and had all the other games muted.  Like the old adage says, early drunks get the sound to their game. 
We eventually made our way to the fest around 5.  Pretty sure the first band we saw was Ryan Bingham and the Dead Horses.  And yes, neither of us had heard of them either.
Death From Above 1979- these guys are heavy rock metal yet somehow I felt like this was the best time for me to take a nap in the grass.  Apparently more than a few people asked Katie if I was dead.  Let a sleeping man lay/lie (still not sure which is correct). 
Manu Chao La Ventura- only thing I remember from this show is that we only had to turn around from our spot on the ground from Death From Above so we didn't have to actually move. 
Randy Newman- this was a personal goal.  Katie stayed put and I searched out Randy.  Of course I was looking to hear "Short People" but I managed to find him in the middle of his set.  I'm sure he probably ends with SP.  Listened to two of his songs then made my way back to Katie.  In near complete darkness.  With tens of thousands of people laying all over the fucking place.  Was quite difficult.
Last but not least was Arcade Fire.  They fucking rocked.  They were the final headliners and were the only show going on.  Most of the time, there had been 2-5 shows going on at all times.  This just meant that their show was packed with everyone.  Arcade Fire would have taken the top spot had Kanye not rocked two nights before. 

Things I learned from ACL- Make notes of which bands you actually see.  It will come in handy two weeks later when you're trying to brag to a bunch (a few) people on a shitty blog.  And lastly, win three day passes again next year.  That part was awesome.
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 Moving blows.  At the beginning of August, I put in my 60 days notice to my apartment complex that I would be leaving at the end of September.  I spent August barely looking for an apartment since I had two whole months.  Well that backfired (pun intended) pretty quickly on me when the fires began.  I was then too busy with work, family in town, and seeing awesome music (not to mention I was still lazy) to look for a new place.  I eventually reached out to my apartment management to see if I could just stay in my apartment for a few more months.  (It honestly made perfect sense in my mind.)  Well the manager informed me that she had already leased the apartment for October.  I found this out last Friday, the 23rd.  I had nine days to find and move into a new apartment.  It was at this time that I went into "apartment finder mode."  Meaning I googled "Austin apartments" while I watched football all weekend.  To be fair, most every apartment offices are closed during the weekends, which seems like an awful business plan.  I was eventually able to contact an apartment locator (free service to me, they get paid a finder's fee by the apartment.  I think.) who was able to find me some places in my price range and that had current openings. 

My current apartment is filled with boxes of my shit.  One thing you always realize when moving is just how much pointless shit you keep around.  (I literally have 9 kitchen hand towels.  And two coyote masks on my walls.) 

I pick up my new keys tomorrow and can begin to move in.  The best part about the new place: free cable, meaning I won't have to wait a week or whatever for some dude to show up at my door and flip a switch.  Also, there's a bar one block away.  You'd think that after moving into two apartments, both of which have a bar within a two block radius, that bar proximity would be one of my criteria.  And you would be correct. 
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 And to end it, a funny picture. 

Wizard of Oz was always R right?

(h/t to Keri for the pic)
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 Not going to make any false promises about writing any more frequently.  Is that technically a promise to not make a promise?  Anyways, I'll be in my new place by Sunday.  It's also like 20 minutes closer to work than I live now so that works out to 40 extra minutes I'll be at home a day!  So you never know...
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 Y'all come back