Just took another hobo shower. I guess that's what happens when you get excited and "brag" about things before they happen. No call, no show from Dominion Gas. I called their office around 12:30 and the automated message said if I had any customer service questions, to call back when the office is open. This more than likely means another week of hobo showers because their service appoints are either 8am-noon, noon-4pm, or never.
So F you Dominion Gas. F you right in your A with no C and no L.
Getting real drunk tonight at the Mantua Country Bar Crawl with Farmer, from the Austin Rapture fame. Hopefully the country folk don't mind a man who does a quick hobo shower.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Mistake on the Lake
Austin came and went way too quickly. Pammy and I left January 2nd and we arrived in Cleveland on the fourth. We had driven close to 1,500 miles over two and a half days. Let me clarify, I drove about 1,350 miles and Pammy drove for about 47 minutes. The trip was interesting, to say the least. Now let me preface this: I love my mom. I really do. It's just sometimes.....let's just say that radio and speakers got a hell of a workout.
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I moved into the first apartment we looked at. I do not regret this decision as I hate shopping. Looking for apartments counts as shopping. While we're on the topic, my new apartment is roughly three blocks from the house where the movie A Christmas Story was filmed. And yes, the leg lamp is in the window.
_____________________________________________________________
Since I wasn't slated to start work until the 23rd, I went home to Chicago for about ten days. And let me tell you, it's really a good thing I no longer live at home. Christ. Home for ten nights, was at the bar for about 7 or 8 of those nights. Really should have bought stock in BDubDub too, because I swear my sisters, our friends, and I together kept the Chicago Ridge BDubDub in the black for the month of January. Even if I did have a New Years resolution, there's no way I could have kept it while at home.
I also happened to celebrate my 25th birthday while home. Never in my wildest childhood dreams did I ever imagine I would be in my mid-twenties. You think about being older (18-21) and real old (70+), but never about the in between. Let me tell you, we did not skimp on the birthday celebraish. The night before and the night of, I was out until 4:30am. Twenty-five has definitely picked up where 24 left off.
___________________________________________________________
Austin definitely spoiled me and it's probably not for the obvious reasons: the weather, the food, the music scene, the hot chicks, the weather, the sun, the food. No, what spoiled me in Austin was the roads. Seeing as the weather rarely gets below freezing, the asphalt roads rarely crack. Since they rarely crack, there isn't a chance for water to get in there to freeze. And since the water doesn't freeze and expand, there are no potholes. Literally. Of course I didn't realize this until I left and made my way back to a place that does get below freezing. And water does freeze in the cracks and expand. And thus there are a ton of fucking potholes. I swear three or four times a day, I run one over and get that feeling that I have just shattered one of my tires. Brutal fucking roads. So people in Austin and other warm-temperatured/less trafficy areas, be grateful for the smooth roads. You probably have no idea how good you have it.
________________________________________________________________
So Dr. Pepper 10 is the first food/drink product that specifically caters to one sex, right? I'm no marketing expert but it just doesn't make much sense to flat out tell half the world's population "Hey you got tits anda slit XX chromosomes? Ya, this drink isn't for you. Better use your hard earned money, which you probably earned on a street corner, and spend it on Coke Zero. Or Pepsi Zero. Or Diet Diet Rite." Logical, right?
_________________________________________________________________
I finally returned to Cleveland on the 17th. I am writing this on the 26th and still do not have the gas turned on. When signing the lease and whatnot, the landlord had mentioned that I should call the gas company and get an appointment set up with them because he knew it would be a few days before they could get out here. The genius I am, I didn't call until the next day I got back, which was the 18th. The gas company told me they couldn't be here until the morning of Monday the 23rd. Now Monday the 23rd also happened to be my first day at work. So that day was out. I asked if they scheduled appointments on the weekend and the lady told me they could have someone out on Saturday the 28th between 8am-noon. I told her to sign me up. For the uninformed, the significance of not having gas also means I do not have hot water. So to recap, I have lived in my new place for two weeks without running hot water.
So I know at least of few of you are sitting there in your chairs thinking, "well without hot water, how do you shower?" Good question. Here's my morning routine:
7:04am- wake up, turn on hot plate, place two pots of water on hot plates. I bought the double hot plate from Walmart my third day here (expertly suggested by Greenie McGreen from South Dakota). Those first two days? Didn't shower.
7:16am- first two pots of water are hot enough. Pour them into plastic containers and refill both pots. Place them back on hot plate burners.
7:28am- second batch of pots are warm enough. Pour them into plastic containers. Move all plastic containers around the shower.
7:30-7:45- wash hair twice (it's how I get it to stay so soft) and wash rest of body using as little water as possible. My worst nightmare is to have a body full of soap and to run out of warm water. This has yet to happen but it still scares the shit out of me.
For context: I start work at 8:30 and live within 15 or so minutes of work. I get up an hour and a half early to shower, eat, change, and drive 15 minutes. And yes, I fucking hate it.
Shockingly, I have gotten quite good at my pseudo showers. Yes it is a fucking pain and yes I cannot wait until it is over, but it really wasn't that bad. I mean it could be worse. I could be without Internet. Or worse, cable.
The good news is that the gas company is coming on Saturday morning. The bad news is that I still have to take this "shower" tomorrow morning. In the past, I had never thought about never having hot water. I definitely took it for granted. Growing up and continuing into my 25th year, I would routinely take 20-30 minute showers, while living at home, at school, and on my own. I wasn't touching myself (all the time), I just enjoy hot water. So I think this was some one's idea of karma. Well fuck you karma, I survived my two week hot water famine. And you know what this means? I'm going to take a two hour shower on Saturday the minute that gas man leaves.
________________________________________________________________
Started my new job but that isn't important. The important thing is I'M BACK!!!
_______________________________________________________________
Still need to figure out a good ending line. Until then, won'tcha please come back.
______________________________________________________________
I moved into the first apartment we looked at. I do not regret this decision as I hate shopping. Looking for apartments counts as shopping. While we're on the topic, my new apartment is roughly three blocks from the house where the movie A Christmas Story was filmed. And yes, the leg lamp is in the window.
_____________________________________________________________
Since I wasn't slated to start work until the 23rd, I went home to Chicago for about ten days. And let me tell you, it's really a good thing I no longer live at home. Christ. Home for ten nights, was at the bar for about 7 or 8 of those nights. Really should have bought stock in BDubDub too, because I swear my sisters, our friends, and I together kept the Chicago Ridge BDubDub in the black for the month of January. Even if I did have a New Years resolution, there's no way I could have kept it while at home.
I also happened to celebrate my 25th birthday while home. Never in my wildest childhood dreams did I ever imagine I would be in my mid-twenties. You think about being older (18-21) and real old (70+), but never about the in between. Let me tell you, we did not skimp on the birthday celebraish. The night before and the night of, I was out until 4:30am. Twenty-five has definitely picked up where 24 left off.
___________________________________________________________
Austin definitely spoiled me and it's probably not for the obvious reasons: the weather, the food, the music scene, the hot chicks, the weather, the sun, the food. No, what spoiled me in Austin was the roads. Seeing as the weather rarely gets below freezing, the asphalt roads rarely crack. Since they rarely crack, there isn't a chance for water to get in there to freeze. And since the water doesn't freeze and expand, there are no potholes. Literally. Of course I didn't realize this until I left and made my way back to a place that does get below freezing. And water does freeze in the cracks and expand. And thus there are a ton of fucking potholes. I swear three or four times a day, I run one over and get that feeling that I have just shattered one of my tires. Brutal fucking roads. So people in Austin and other warm-temperatured/less trafficy areas, be grateful for the smooth roads. You probably have no idea how good you have it.
________________________________________________________________
So Dr. Pepper 10 is the first food/drink product that specifically caters to one sex, right? I'm no marketing expert but it just doesn't make much sense to flat out tell half the world's population "Hey you got tits and
_________________________________________________________________
I finally returned to Cleveland on the 17th. I am writing this on the 26th and still do not have the gas turned on. When signing the lease and whatnot, the landlord had mentioned that I should call the gas company and get an appointment set up with them because he knew it would be a few days before they could get out here. The genius I am, I didn't call until the next day I got back, which was the 18th. The gas company told me they couldn't be here until the morning of Monday the 23rd. Now Monday the 23rd also happened to be my first day at work. So that day was out. I asked if they scheduled appointments on the weekend and the lady told me they could have someone out on Saturday the 28th between 8am-noon. I told her to sign me up. For the uninformed, the significance of not having gas also means I do not have hot water. So to recap, I have lived in my new place for two weeks without running hot water.
So I know at least of few of you are sitting there in your chairs thinking, "well without hot water, how do you shower?" Good question. Here's my morning routine:
7:04am- wake up, turn on hot plate, place two pots of water on hot plates. I bought the double hot plate from Walmart my third day here (expertly suggested by Greenie McGreen from South Dakota). Those first two days? Didn't shower.
7:16am- first two pots of water are hot enough. Pour them into plastic containers and refill both pots. Place them back on hot plate burners.
7:28am- second batch of pots are warm enough. Pour them into plastic containers. Move all plastic containers around the shower.
7:30-7:45- wash hair twice (it's how I get it to stay so soft) and wash rest of body using as little water as possible. My worst nightmare is to have a body full of soap and to run out of warm water. This has yet to happen but it still scares the shit out of me.
For context: I start work at 8:30 and live within 15 or so minutes of work. I get up an hour and a half early to shower, eat, change, and drive 15 minutes. And yes, I fucking hate it.
Shockingly, I have gotten quite good at my pseudo showers. Yes it is a fucking pain and yes I cannot wait until it is over, but it really wasn't that bad. I mean it could be worse. I could be without Internet. Or worse, cable.
The good news is that the gas company is coming on Saturday morning. The bad news is that I still have to take this "shower" tomorrow morning. In the past, I had never thought about never having hot water. I definitely took it for granted. Growing up and continuing into my 25th year, I would routinely take 20-30 minute showers, while living at home, at school, and on my own. I wasn't touching myself (all the time), I just enjoy hot water. So I think this was some one's idea of karma. Well fuck you karma, I survived my two week hot water famine. And you know what this means? I'm going to take a two hour shower on Saturday the minute that gas man leaves.
________________________________________________________________
Started my new job but that isn't important. The important thing is I'M BACK!!!
_______________________________________________________________
Still need to figure out a good ending line. Until then, won'tcha please come back.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Austin I Love You, But You're Bringing Me Down
"Ski" trip to the UP was an absolute success. I put ski in quotes because out of 5 days, we skied maybe 3 hours. They didn't have much snow yet so not much of the hill was open. Out of seven or eight chairlifts, only two were open. Which meant we could only use seven or so runs. It got old real quick. There wasn't even enough snow for us to snowmobile. The rest of the trip though, that was awesome. I previously mentioned, we had a keg of PBR for five people. As we were picking it up, a few of us had the brains to get two extra cases and a handle of Captain. Turns out that was smart planning because the keg was empty by the third night. If there's one thing my family does well together, it's drink and have good times. As my mom always says, "you can't have a good time without drinking." She actually says "you don't need to drink to have a good time," but that clearly is just a completely false statement.
Since we couldn't snowmobile on Friday, we didn't have any plans. So, naturally, we went to the closest bar. Four of us walked there and we were literally the only people in there. It was both strange and amazing. The service was topnotch. They had the cheapest jukebox I have ever seen. Four songs for one dollar or ELEVEN songs for two dollars. I've been to bars that charge a dollar a song. Needless to say, I was enthused by this.
Also of note, the bathrooms in this bar are different. That thing six feet off the ground is the handle to flush. I guess midgets and kids just don't flush these days.
The drive home on Monday morning was brutal. Seven hours stuck in a car after I had pretty much been drunk for five straight days. When I was younger, my family used to drive everywhere. My mom's family lives in Arizona so we drove there every few years. While on these long trips, my mom would always make a point to tell me when we were passing animals, or military vehicles, or anything random like that. Mostly cows though, and she would specifically tell me. Not my sisters, not my dad, it was always "J, look. Cows. J, cows." To this day, whenever we are in the car together someone will tell me about cows. This past trip included. So while I'm attempting to sleep off almost a week long hangover, my mom is in the front seat telling to look out at the imaginary cows. Angry.
Considering I had to be at the airport by 10 the next morning and had just drank the past five days, one would think staying in and catching up on sleep would be the sensible thing to do. Off to the bar we went. It was my friend's 25th birthday and I hadn't seen him since Christmas Eve 2010 so there were no excuses. The bar was fucking packed. What began as my two sisters, friend Pollkat and I, turned into three tables full of friends and friends of friends. Beers and carbombs were flowing like usual. At the end of the night, Pollkat and I were doing one last carbomb. By this time, the bar had run out of Baileys so the tarbender gave us Guinness and a full shot of Jameson. Shockingly, this tasted like ass. I couldn't even drink the whole thing and may have had a mini puke moment on the front of my shirt. May. We ended up staying until closing time. Really gave Pollkat a good birthday celebraish. Southside at it's finest.
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Friday night was my going away party. A few coworkers and some volunteers came out to celebrate. I got pretty drunk (shockingly) and was home by about midnight. Top shelf margs, tequila shots, and beers were abundant. I can't stress enough how lucky I am to have met these people. Some of them I will never see again. Others though, I think there will be visits in the future.
Yesterday for New Years I went to a friend's place downtown around 7:30. They all had tickets to see Gary Clark Jr. play at 10pm. I did not have a ticket but my plan was to go with them and see if I could find a ticket. Prayers were answered when the bouncer pointed out a guy who was selling two tickets. This was as close to a drug deal as I'll ever get. He wasn't even selling them for an absurd amount- I paid $30 and my friends who already had tickets paid $29. But it still felt like I was part of a sting or some shit. Yes, I am a pussy.
GCJ rocked. If you've never heard of him, give it a year. 2012 is going to be his year. Heard it here first.
Also of note, some random chick came up to me and started making out with me.It wasn't even midnight or anything cheesy like that. It happened right at midnight. I'm pretty much the star of my own personal fairy tale. Needless to say, 2011 went out with a bang. Sadly not an actual bang, but still.
Austin gave me one hell of a year. I moved here December 30th, 2010 and I'm leaving January 2nd, 2012. In that year, I've lived in two apartments, experienced SXSW and ACL, worked the largest wildfires Texas has ever had, sweated my ass off just walking to my car, saw a thousand lizards, became paranoid about finding scorpions in my shoes, went on brewery tours, swam in the Gulf of Mexico, went to Mississippi to help with the tornadoes, experienced a UT football game, ate some amazing food, learned to say things like y'all, laughed, cried, wandered the streets, took pedicab rides, saw some shitty movies and a few decent ones, ran the Warrior Dash, remembered the Alamo, and a million other things that I will never remember nor forget. Austin I love you, but you're bringing me down.
_______________________________________________________________
Y'all come back now.
Since we couldn't snowmobile on Friday, we didn't have any plans. So, naturally, we went to the closest bar. Four of us walked there and we were literally the only people in there. It was both strange and amazing. The service was topnotch. They had the cheapest jukebox I have ever seen. Four songs for one dollar or ELEVEN songs for two dollars. I've been to bars that charge a dollar a song. Needless to say, I was enthused by this.
Also of note, the bathrooms in this bar are different. That thing six feet off the ground is the handle to flush. I guess midgets and kids just don't flush these days.
 |
| First urinal picture. Hopefully the last. |
Considering I had to be at the airport by 10 the next morning and had just drank the past five days, one would think staying in and catching up on sleep would be the sensible thing to do. Off to the bar we went. It was my friend's 25th birthday and I hadn't seen him since Christmas Eve 2010 so there were no excuses. The bar was fucking packed. What began as my two sisters, friend Pollkat and I, turned into three tables full of friends and friends of friends. Beers and carbombs were flowing like usual. At the end of the night, Pollkat and I were doing one last carbomb. By this time, the bar had run out of Baileys so the tarbender gave us Guinness and a full shot of Jameson. Shockingly, this tasted like ass. I couldn't even drink the whole thing and may have had a mini puke moment on the front of my shirt. May. We ended up staying until closing time. Really gave Pollkat a good birthday celebraish. Southside at it's finest.
________________________________________________________
Friday night was my going away party. A few coworkers and some volunteers came out to celebrate. I got pretty drunk (shockingly) and was home by about midnight. Top shelf margs, tequila shots, and beers were abundant. I can't stress enough how lucky I am to have met these people. Some of them I will never see again. Others though, I think there will be visits in the future.
Yesterday for New Years I went to a friend's place downtown around 7:30. They all had tickets to see Gary Clark Jr. play at 10pm. I did not have a ticket but my plan was to go with them and see if I could find a ticket. Prayers were answered when the bouncer pointed out a guy who was selling two tickets. This was as close to a drug deal as I'll ever get. He wasn't even selling them for an absurd amount- I paid $30 and my friends who already had tickets paid $29. But it still felt like I was part of a sting or some shit. Yes, I am a pussy.
GCJ rocked. If you've never heard of him, give it a year. 2012 is going to be his year. Heard it here first.
Also of note, some random chick came up to me and started making out with me.
Austin gave me one hell of a year. I moved here December 30th, 2010 and I'm leaving January 2nd, 2012. In that year, I've lived in two apartments, experienced SXSW and ACL, worked the largest wildfires Texas has ever had, sweated my ass off just walking to my car, saw a thousand lizards, became paranoid about finding scorpions in my shoes, went on brewery tours, swam in the Gulf of Mexico, went to Mississippi to help with the tornadoes, experienced a UT football game, ate some amazing food, learned to say things like y'all, laughed, cried, wandered the streets, took pedicab rides, saw some shitty movies and a few decent ones, ran the Warrior Dash, remembered the Alamo, and a million other things that I will never remember nor forget. Austin I love you, but you're bringing me down.
_______________________________________________________________
Y'all come back now.
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