A Picture Paints a Thousand Words

After three weeks, I finally did some laundry.  I don't get why dryers have more than one setting.  The only option on a dryer should be "dry."  I don't understand the "air only" option or whatever the hell it is.  I did laundry for three and a half hours on MLK Day.  More specifically, I spent three hours trying to figure out the damn dryer.
__________________________________________________________________
I had a going away/Christmas Eve party at my parent's house on, um, Christmas Eve.  I received two cards this night and just got around to writing thank-you notes.  It was then that I discovered an invention that should have been made years ago, the self-adhesive envelope. No more getting to first base with an envelope.  (Sad but true: just googled "1st base" to make sure I was using the correct analogy.)  If these have been around for a while now, well that just goes to show you how often I send mail. 

Wikipedia says self-adhesive stamps were pretty much commonplace by 2002.  The fact that self-adhesive envelopes do not have their own Wikipedia page tells me one of two things, either A) they don't really exist or B) they are really fucking new. 
_________________________________________________________________
When I was looking for my new place to live, I discovered that there was a key appliance that I had failed to inspect thoroughly.  The shower head in my apartment shoots daggers at my skin.  Specifically, there is one stream of water that is constantly stronger than all the others.  Showering with this dagger of water can lead to some precarious showers.  Move too far towards the opposite end of the shower and I risk ending up like Lance Armstrong.  (Was going to say something about losing a testie but again, I googled it and discovered that the singular is testis.  The more you know....  I also discovered that having the safesearch off isn't always a good thing.)

If the water machete isn't taking a ball off, it's a nipple if I get too close.  I must stand at just the right angle.  Which coincidentally leads me to try and keep the stream on my bellybutton.  Which then leads me to imagine I'm playing the carnival game where you shoot the water gun into the clowns mouth and first person to fill the balloon with water and pop it, wins.  I basically have a carny station in my bathroom.  If only the bearded lady would come around. 
________________________________________________________________
I'm not proud to admit it but I've seen the first two episodes of the MTV show "Skin."  Its about high schoolers and their lives: drugs, alcohol, smoking, sex, etc.  Shocking new concept for television.  Anyways, if a TV show was made about my high school experience, there would be a lot more playing Nintendo 64/Playstation/Dreamcast, betting on basketball tournaments, trying to find someone who had an older sibling to buy beer (and mostly failing) and doing wrestling moves into and around swimming pools.  These shows that depict raves on school nights, kids buying alcohol whenever they wanted it, being socially cool, is bullshit.  Either that or I had a really shitty 4 years in high school.
________________________________________________________________
Clothes shopping: can't fucking stand it.  I went to Old Navy this weekend and dreaded every moment I was inside that store.  Not even an attempt at a joke here.  Why should this section be any different than the others.
_______________________________________________________________
Going to switch things up a bit and add a picture to this here post.  The picture was taken from my car as I passed the restaurant El Chilitos.  The mustache is a seesaw.  Your mind should be blown right now.  And if you're like me, you should also be adding "take a mustache ride at El Chilitos" to your bucket list. 

_______________________________________________________________
Y'all come back now y'here.

Sir Sir

I know I quickly touched on it earlier, but I got a damn speeding ticket today.  I was getting off at my exit when the po' pulled behind me.  Seeing flashing lights in the review mirror might be the most stomach-dropping feeling there is.  And no, the cop wasn't wearing a ten gallon hat.  Didn't have a mustache.  No southern drawl either.  He was actual pretty nice and even dropped my speed which will save me $50.  Still though, what a prick.
___________________________________________________________

I recently was reunited with a long lost love after about a two year break.  The break wasn't mutual.  I wanted keep things going but she couldn't come with me.  She knew me better than anyone I'd ever known.  Knew what I liked and was able to make me incredibly happy.  If you couldn't already surmise, I'm talking about my DVR box.

I have 10 TV series set to "record all."  I don't even know if I can follow 10 different shows but I can try!!  When you don't have a DVR, you have no idea the power you are missing.  I find things to record.  "Helicopter Missions?"  Sign me up.  "Loberstmen?"  You sold me on the name alone.  I always try and see what movies are playing on cable too, like AMC, TBS, etc.  Most of the time, they do not disappoint. 

Just last night, I recorded the movie "Pitch Black."  I had never seen it nor really had any desires to see it.  However, with the power of the DVR, why wouldn't I record 2 and a half of hours of Vin Diesel.  For those unfamiliar with "Pitch Black," it stars Vin Diesel.  And really, who needs to know anything else?  I see Sir Diesel, I record. 
___________________________________________________________

A few of my friends and I have long discussed the merits of gentlemen who are knighted and given the title of Sir.  Sir Paul McCartney: totally deserving.  Sir Elton: could have stopped after "Candle in the Wind" and still would deserve it.  The conversation usually drifts off to who least deserves to be a Sir.  The most common names to come up are Sir Meatloaf and Sir Carrot Top for whatever reason.  I don't know if it's a food thing or if it's that Meatloaf, while once a hell of a singer is now just a fat, sweaty mess, and that Carrot Top looks like a female bodybuilder.  Next time this conversation comes up, Sir Vin Diesel is getting brought up.

I was going to scrap that last paragraph but I really wanted to keep the links.   
______________________________________________________________

I turned 24 last Friday.  To celebrate, a few of my co-workers and I went out for happy hour after work.  We ended up at a very classy steak house called Ruth's Chris.  And no, I have no idea what the name means either.  Happy hour consisted of two beers and the cheapest appetizer on the menu, potato skins.  The party dispersed around 7 and it was time to head home for more celebration.  This was easier said than done.  I should mention that the bar was in the middle of downtown Austin.  This was pretty much my first time downtown.  And it was dark and raining.  Needless to say, I got turned around and could not find the right one or two roads that would take me across the river and back to the southside.  What should have been a quick 10-15 minute drive took me almost an hour.  I finally found my way home and walked up to my neighborhood bar where I befriended a blind, trumpet player in a mariachi band.  Happy birthday to me indeed.
______________________________________________________________

Y'all come back now y'here.

MLK Day

In spirit of MLK Day, I offer you this short post:

I got a fucking ticket today.  $143 worth of speeding.  And that was for 65 in a 60.  Got caught doing 73 but the dude wrote 65.  Still a dick.

Stay tuned for more later on.
_____________________________________________________________

Y'all come back now y'here

New Discovery

A man learns a lot about himself when he first moves out on his own.  For instance, I learned that I rarely shut the bathroom door.  I learned that Sunny D is still an amazing drink.  Seriously, when is the last time you drank Sunny Delight?  For me, it has to be at least ten years ago, if not longer.  But the biggest discovery I found since my move has normally been a foreign concept to me.  It saves money, provides a sense of accomplishment (if done correctly), and can be quite pleasurable.  I'm talking, of course, about cooking.

Homemade tacos: check.  Amazing scrambled eggs with onions, peppers, and even sausage: check.  Pancakes with Aunt Jemima's syrup: motherfucking check.  I was so proud about my newfound cooking skills that I called and texted my mom on two different occasions let her know. 

Me: "Mom, you need a texting plan so I can send you things like this: I made pancakes this morning."
Mom: "awesome!  love mom"

She's still not so keen on the whole texting thing yet.  Or that she doesn't need to sign them. 

Seriously though, this whole cooking for myself thing is going great so far.  Still have the old standbys of frozen pizzas and Foreman burgers in the freezer should I need them though.  There are a few downsides to cooking.  It takes a while for things to happen. 

I need to premix the pancake batter with water for how long??  I need to defrost the frozen taco meat a fucking day before I want to cook it??  And the dishes.

Cleaning up afterward is easily the worst part about cooking.  For pancakes this morning, I used a bowl, two measuring cups, a stirrer, spoon to scoop the mix into the pan, the pan, a plate, fork and knife, and my cup for Sunny D.  Dishes are a pain in the ass. 
_________________________________________________________________

If there is anything worse than doing dishes, it's doing laundry.  I left Chicago on the 27th, moved in on the 30th and have yet to do laundry.  Yes, I have had to dip into the dirty laundry already.  There seems to be a laundry room across the parking lot from my palace but I have yet to venture over there.  It's just a big fucking pain to lug everything over there, pay whatever the cost is (which is definitely going to be too much), then sit there watching my clothes finish, and last but not least, fold everything.  Just a two hour block of time that I would rather be doing pretty much anything else, including dishes. 
________________________________________________________________

I found out that there's a brewery something like 1.7 miles from me.  I'll be visiting the 512 Brewing Company within the next weeks or so and will write more about it then. 
________________________________________________________________

My first day at my job, I was given a gift bag.  Not sure if they do this for every new employee or just because it was right after the holidays.  This gift bag included two beer koozies, or as my dad has called them his entire life, beer rubbers.  Might be strange to you, but it has been used in my house for as long as I can remember. 

But really, two beer rubbers?  Don't know what that says about my new job.  The best part is that one was promoting my employer and the other was for a sweet tea vodka, which apparently is a sponsoring partner.  Also, rumor is that all employees are supposed to get a bottle of said vodka.  I'll keep you posted. 
_________________________________________________________________

Ya'll come back now y'here.

The Big Move

I finally did it.  Hours and hours of hard work finally paid off.  I had spent way too much time waiting for the phone to ring.  I had put my money and time in and was ready for my big break.  And that's when it happened: the cable guy called and said he was here. 
 ________________________________________________________________


My first night in Austin was spent at the most quintessential Texas bar, the Broken Spoke, which has literally been voted the "best honky-tonk in Texas" and the "best country dance hall in the nation."  Needless to say, the Spoke did not disappoint in the people watching area.  There were guys in Texas flag shirts, cowboy boots everywhere, and mustaches galore.  Essentially a wet dream come to life.

Had to be at least 75 people doing the Texas two step in a counter-clockwise motion around this dance floor.  Easily the soberest dance floor I've ever seen.  It was also the soberest I've ever been while on a dance floor.  

In addition to dance lessons and country music, the Spoke is also known for it's chicken fried steak.  Now being from Chicago, I have never heard of nor eaten chicken fried steak before.  It consists of a piece of "steak" pounded thin as a magazine which is then fried like chicken.  My food critique in 5 words or less: meh, I'll pass on it.  
________________________________________________________________

Favorite beer so far: Lone Star Beer.  It is the unofficial beer of Texas and is quite good.  It tastes even better when sold for $1 a la Wednesday nights at my local bar.  Speaking of which, my adopted bar is a block and a half away.  Let me repeat: 1.5 blocks from where I sleep.  I could potentially leave my palace(not a misspelling) at a commercial break and make it to the bar in time when the game comes back on.  If that isn't comfort, then I don't know what is. 
________________________________________________________________

Austin is the proclaimed "Live Music Capital of the World" and so far has not disappointed.  There was a band playing at the restaurant my parents and I stopped at for lunch last Thursday afternoon.  Who has bands playing for the lunch crowd on a week day?  Austin does. 

The South by Southwest (SXSW) fest is coming up in March and I am considerably excited.  I've been told that one could potentially not pay for any tickets and still see concerts each and every night during the week to ten days the fest lasts.  ¿Cómo se dice fucking awesome? 
________________________________________________________________


Facts and Figures:
Total miles driven from Chicago to Austin: 1174

Miles per gallon achieved by my 2009 Ford Focus on said journey: 42.1

Miles per hour I had to drive to achieve said MPG: roughly 63.  For two goddamn days.  (Insider info: I drove my car filled with shit and my parents drove their Expedition and pulled a small uHaul trailer filled with more of my shit, which is the reason we had to drive so slow).

If I were a betting man, which I'm not (neither a bettor nor a man per se) I would put my money on 15 hours driving from Chicago to the Big Steve. 

Austin has many nicknames already: Live Music Capital, City of the Violet Crown, the BAT CITY, yet I've given the city my own nickname.  I decided to call it the "Big Steve," both in reference to former wrestler/god Stone Cold Steve Austin and to my former acquaintance in college, Mr. Big Steve Mortensen. If you don't know Big Steve Mortensen then step your game up.  If you don't know Stone Cold Steve Austin, well then I don't think we can speak anymore. 

If the bold, italics, and underline didn't already fill you in, I choose the name of this here site based on nicknames of my former and current loves.  For the uneducated/northerners, Austin has something like the largest population of Mexican bats in the world.  And they live under one of the bridges spanning Lady Bird Lake.  Come March-September near dusk, these bats exit the bridge and apparently turn the sky black due to the bats numbering in the millions.  (I have also been told that the bats each eat 1 pound of insects a night.  Meaning there are no mosquitoes to bite me.  I honestly don't understand how Austin doesn't have a population closer to 5 million)  Something I am definitely looking forward to seeing.  So if you're keeping count at home, that's TWO reasons to visit me in March: SXSW and the bats.  There's a lovely pullout couch with anyone's name it*.

*This is a total lie.  I will only let something like 6 people use my palace with me.  And if you have to think whether or not you're one of those lucky 6, you're probably not. 
________________________________________________________________

Ya'll come back now, y'here