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I had a going away/Christmas Eve party at my parent's house on, um, Christmas Eve. I received two cards this night and just got around to writing thank-you notes. It was then that I discovered an invention that should have been made years ago, the self-adhesive envelope. No more getting to first base with an envelope. (Sad but true: just googled "1st base" to make sure I was using the correct analogy.) If these have been around for a while now, well that just goes to show you how often I send mail.
Wikipedia says self-adhesive stamps were pretty much commonplace by 2002. The fact that self-adhesive envelopes do not have their own Wikipedia page tells me one of two things, either A) they don't really exist or B) they are really fucking new.
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When I was looking for my new place to live, I discovered that there was a key appliance that I had failed to inspect thoroughly. The shower head in my apartment shoots daggers at my skin. Specifically, there is one stream of water that is constantly stronger than all the others. Showering with this dagger of water can lead to some precarious showers. Move too far towards the opposite end of the shower and I risk ending up like Lance Armstrong. (Was going to say something about losing a testie but again, I googled it and discovered that the singular is testis. The more you know.... I also discovered that having the safesearch off isn't always a good thing.)
If the water machete isn't taking a ball off, it's a nipple if I get too close. I must stand at just the right angle. Which coincidentally leads me to try and keep the stream on my bellybutton. Which then leads me to imagine I'm playing the carnival game where you shoot the water gun into the clowns mouth and first person to fill the balloon with water and pop it, wins. I basically have a carny station in my bathroom. If only the bearded lady would come around.
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I'm not proud to admit it but I've seen the first two episodes of the MTV show "Skin." Its about high schoolers and their lives: drugs, alcohol, smoking, sex, etc. Shocking new concept for television. Anyways, if a TV show was made about my high school experience, there would be a lot more playing Nintendo 64/Playstation/Dreamcast, betting on basketball tournaments, trying to find someone who had an older sibling to buy beer (and mostly failing) and doing wrestling moves into and around swimming pools. These shows that depict raves on school nights, kids buying alcohol whenever they wanted it, being socially cool, is bullshit. Either that or I had a really shitty 4 years in high school.
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Clothes shopping: can't fucking stand it. I went to Old Navy this weekend and dreaded every moment I was inside that store. Not even an attempt at a joke here. Why should this section be any different than the others.
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Going to switch things up a bit and add a picture to this here post. The picture was taken from my car as I passed the restaurant El Chilitos. The mustache is a seesaw. Your mind should be blown right now. And if you're like me, you should also be adding "take a mustache ride at El Chilitos" to your bucket list.
Y'all come back now y'here.
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